Having suffered several heartbreaks in the hands of men while in the university and in my NYSC days; the last thing I wanted to hear from men before I got married was ‘I love you.’
Dear readers, my story is not a long one, but is sure to linger in my memories for the rest of my life. As far as I was concerned, true love died when ‘kanmi put me in the family way and denied responsibility. The most annoying part of the action that came out of that mistake was the fact that I lost my womb in the process of terminating that innocent child.
I passed out for a very long time after the doctor conducted the D&C on me; and after I regained consciousness, he broke the shocking news! The doctor told me I may never be able to give birth to a child anymore. I cried all the way home that evening, knowing that no one else but me was responsible for how things have turned.
No one forced me to open my legs for all those men that have had sex with me; no, no one forced me. Much worse is the fact that no one forced me to visit 2 different clinics to abort 2 different times; no, no one forced me. I won’t be bothered if any man refuses to marry because I will never open up my past; but I am worried about the scar and wound this has left in my heart. It is so easy to mask your past behind those faces so no one would know; but within you are pains you may never overcome except you get a second chance by reason of miracle.
They say time is a healer, and thank goodness I was able to pick up the pieces of my life all over again. No one has to know about my inability to get pregnant; so that’s the cross any man that marries me has to carry.
Jones was not the first man that approached me for marriage few years after I had the last D&C; but there was something about him that always made it difficult to keep my mouth shut anytime we were together. Maybe because he was a very straightforward man and especially being a dedicated Christian; I didn’t view him like others. Jones never gave me a breathing space, and every opportunity that came his way was one to remind me of how he wants me to be his wife. I did all I thought I could do to discourage him because I didn’t want him to suffer; but he was determined.
Even though it was not my intentions, I eventually I opened up on my past, and told him I may never be able to have a child; at least to discourage him. I was shocked at his answer because he said it doesn’t matter, and that he believes in miracle. At first I thought he didn’t believe me, but that was not the case because even the doctor’s report was not enough to drive him away.
Dear readers, right up to the time we were both joined together by the priest on the day of our wedding; I was still in a state of disbelief. Could this be love?
We have been married for 6 years now; and the reason I am writing this is to let you know that true love exists. Though, the pressure that comes with the guilt of what I did to myself in the past is still on me, I have no doubt that Jones loves me.
This is not the end of my testimony because I know that there is a slight ray of sunlight somewhere. Doctors say there is a slight possibility of me having a child of my own; but that I should not raise my hope too high.
True love does exist dear readers; it does!
