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Our Syndrome

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Bolu was dating Ayo for two years. Ayo has the character of a man that isn’t ready for a commitment from one excuse to another all the time. Still, Bolu stuck with him. Even when friends tried making her see reasons that the guy is not for her, she always makes excuses for him saying he will change. One day, he got to her head saying

Baby you the kind of woman I want in my life and I will do anything to keep you for a long time

Bolu was happy finally the guy was ready for a commitment until she became pregnant. She told him she was pregnant and Ayo made a statement

Babe you know am not ready for fatherhood I don’t have money to take care of you and the child but will still love to keep you as my baby mama. Bolu still conceived the child and was waiting for the right time Ayo will pop the marriage question. Then after 4years, Ayo got married to another lady. Now Bolu is stock with the sigma of raising her child without a father and more drama inclusive.

Motherhood is one of the most natural and celebrated things in society. The society made us realize that motherhood can change everything about a woman and the way people see her. A woman who cannot conceive is seen as empty. This is why women go in their way to try to conceive. What if motherhood is monetized? These days motherhood is not seen as only an act to have kids and be happy. It is an Avenue to make money. From baby mamas to surrogate mothers to even egg donors you can name it. All in a quest for financial freedom.

Baby mama is a slang termed for a mother who isn’t married to a child’s father but they have a child together. The term is often associated with African Americans until now that it is adapted and used by everyone in the world. In the western world, a well to do lady is mostly the one who has to be different married to different men and out of the marriage. She is financially buoyant from the money she gets from different marriages. This is because white men do virtually lose half of their fortune to their ex-wives after a divorce. The man is made to pay some particular amount of money every month for the upkeep of the child. Now, this act is being adapted by Africans too. You see women filing for divorce all in the bases of financial freedom and her gain.

Baby mamas are sometimes victims of circumstances or it’s planned by them. They may be children themselves or in their forties. A quarter-million of teens become baby mamas every year. Some are in their first, second, third, or even fourth. You see single ladies planning to get pregnant for a man so that she will be wifed. They sneak into the man’s life get pregnant for them but the man will not bulge to take up the responsibility. He will accept the child as his own but still, the lady isn’t welcome as a wife .the lucky ones later get wfied at the end. Truth is, a man who isn’t ready for commitment is still not ready for it. There are just some things that cannot be forced then the chain continues. Surprisingly, the man later meets someone he is ready to settle down with, the baby mama is done for.  She is just the mother of his child nothing else. He is ready to keep the lady that way for a very long time is she isn’t smart enough.

Some ladies see being a baby mama as a lead to a financial breakthrough, and the lucky ones get fame along with it, if you can catch a very big fish (celebrities). These people are well compensated and comfortable. They get triple of what a hardworking professional in a month as upkeep for themselves and child. Apart from the money, the smart ones make money and establish a very lucrative business from the fame that comes along with being a celebrity baby mama. This has led to a sudden uprise of baby mamas in Nigeria. Every girl just wants to get pregnant for a rich dude and make money from it. The reason why most ladies willingly want to become baby mamas for some men is quite disturbing. Most times, it baffling to know how a sane lady will hold up her head in high esteem to the baby mama is very sad to see women and girls with great potentials beam with simple when they are called the name. Some have even turned it to Business. In a discussion with a young lady in a university, she is of the opinion that there is pride in being called a baby than a Mrs. which is very disturbing to our Moral Code. This situation occurs when women force themselves on men who aren’t willing to be committed to a relationship. Some baby mamas even proudly post pictures of themselves or children on social media with even ridiculous hashtags. Proudly flaunting the act online and even encouraging the younger generations.

A very popular Nigerian lawyer, Kayode Ajulo in his interview punch newspaper said that the concept of baby mama shouldn’t be encouraged in our society. It isn’t part of us and it won’t ever be part of us .what if he is wrong, what if he isn’t? Looking back to History, the concept of baby mama has to be in existence for a very long time. Most of us born in the 70, 80,  and early 90,s are seen In our parents’ wedding photographs. Take it or leave it, most of our mothers were also supposed baby mama until they were wiped. We say the major difference between the men then and the men now is that they were ready for commitment and take up all their responsibilities. Men now just want a woman that is ready but no sign of commitment. This is another major reason for the uproar of baby mama.

This issue affects both genders but is women that are being stigmatized more on the issue. it affects the males’ gender also. In a serious fact, why will you want to be a baby father to three different children from three different mothers if you aren’t irresponsible Some people even make it complicated for themselves by not taking responsibility for the child welfare? leaving it alone for the lady to single handily raise the child alone. Some even went as far as painting their baby mamas crazy to their female lovers. It’s not always surprising when you see a baby mama come online to drag her baby daddy for being irresponsible towards the welfare of the child. Let’s take a pool to know who is crazier between the baby mama and the baby daddy and you will be shocked that at a great percentage its the baby daddy that has issues.

to the ladies, as annoying as it might seem, you need to maintain your dignity when it comes to treating things with the baby daddy. don’t give anyone the power to push you around because he is taking care of your child’s responsibility. to make things easy, get a better job, or don’t ask at all. If he is ready, he will do at his free will. if he isn’t let him be. To the men, your baby mama is the person that gave your child life, your blood! always show her respect that she deserves at least in one way or the other, you guys were once involved.

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