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Unanswered Questions

is it Right to Tell Your Friend if Their Partner is Cheating on Them?

4 Mins read

Just last month, a couple friends that I know from NYSC days celebrated their birthday. But I noticed something weird. The lady never posted anything related to the boy giving her any birthday gift , and the guy just greeted her on his social media page like a casual friend, I thought it was one of those things of keeping relationship secret. The guy birthday was like the other week and on his social media page he posted pictures of celebrations and a birthday gift from a lady . I thought it was my friend till I was shocked in the next post it was from another lady. With the video he uploaded they were having a nice time. The lady wore his shirt, he was only on his boxer and both vibing to a song. don’t get me wrong please, any one can do it with friends they are comfortable with. But the caption under the video read this “ thanks for today baby,I love you 100” it was really suspicious so I had to ask. I even commented under the post I asking the nigga about the birthday celebration he just answered coldly. I think that was when he realized I saw the post, he deleted it immediately . That was when I smell a Rat . Just to be sure, I called my girl friend to ask her about she and her boo said he forgot her birthday. She saw how he celebrated on his status . I was moved to asked her if she saw the video of him and the lady she said no. Guess the nigga blocked her from viewing his status. And I felt bad about giving her any hint at all. She was so inquisitive about it . I just got to tell her the truth and warned her to deal with the situation maturely but the guilt of telling her what I saw have being haunting me since. Asking questions about what if I’m the cause of their break up . I don’t want to be at all.
Am sure every one of us have being in this situation or another. What do you do ? tell your friend because surely they have a right to know ? or keep quiet because its none of your business ?
First off, it is a horrible and difficult position for you to be the person to tell your friend that their other half is cheating on them .Unsurprisingly, there is no straight forward answer .what ever you do , its likely to have consequence its either is beneficial or we fall out. The truth is, even if you say nothing, what if your friend finds out about it then realizes that you knew and you didn’t tell them . they might say – “how could a friend do that” you could start by trying to ask yourself as a guild how you think you’d feel in your friend’s situation – would you want to know ?
You’ll no doubt be worried about hurting your friend. Telling them might seem as the right thing to do , but is it the good thing to do ?most times in this situation, you have to consider how close that person is to you . Would they appreciate the news coming from you ? if you don’t really spend much time together and how hurt would they be that you kept quiet if you usually share every thing with one another. We should consider weather we have straight facts before breaking the news to our friend . How much firm your evidence do you really have ?could you have misread the situation ? another concern is that you may have no idea if the relationship have some kind of arrangement either an open relationship or a don’t ask / don’t tell kind of the step .Perhaps your friend has a suspicion but is in denial and doesn’t want to confront it. Be it you foretell the bombshell and it may stick to you . if the couple decides to makes a go of it after an affair they may see you as a reminder of it and you could find yourself scapegoated for it and given cold shoulder as a result. While you deliberating all of this , its best to avoid telling close friends about the situation. One of the hardest things about discovering as affair can be the humiliation that many people feel when they find out they were the last ones to know . With this said , you must also think of your own mental well being . its likely to cause stress and anxiety so its might be worth finding somebody safe to offload to . Just make sue its a person who doesn’t know your friend and be careful not to reveal any names .
When you speak to them, you could suggest that they end the affair as soon as possible rather than dragging it out . or if they are in love with the person and want to be with them,Some new relationships begin following affairs after all. You might suggest they consider whether its really fair to string their current partner along like this .Perhaps you then leave it up to them as to how to take things forward, knowing that you’ve intervened in the best interests of your friend but haven’t interfered. But if they show no remorse or sign of ending the affair to the relationship, try and put yourself in your friends shoes. Would they really stay with the person only to find out later down the line that their partner had been cheating for years? This discovery could perhaps hurt them more in the long run . in this situation in the telling your friend the truth. The other side if its the cheater you’re closer to but you know their partner as well , then you may feel less of a need to tell their partner . you’ll probably be on safer ground talking to your friend who’s is cheating them and asking them why b, giving them an outlet to discuss it and what they want to do next . its good to be as supportive as possible but may also want to suggest that the person affected speaks to somebody objective such as a counselor.
So you’ve consider all the different factors carefully .Now what ? I do think the best place to start , whether you decide to then spill the beans to your friend or not , is to talk to the person who has cheated , if you can . don’t threaten pr emotionally black mail them but instead point out you have some concerns about what you’ve discovered . how you then deal with it will depend on their response

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