I’ll channel this topic to relationship—although it cuts across other things too, but let’s just leave it within the coffins of relationship.
If it was possible that we could just leave our parents for doing something bad to us and find other parents and continue from there, we would do it.
Now, I know this for fact, because when I was a child, when my parents beat me so badly, and I felt maltreated, I look forward to leaving the house. There are sometimes, when I want to talk to my siblings about the unjustness of the situation, I’d rather address my parents as, “Did you see what your mother did?” Instead of, “Did you see what mommy did?”
There’s this “I’m done with them” feeling I get, like I’m never going to be close to them again, like they’re bad people, although I never think, “if I go, who am I going to meet? Are there people way better than my parents out there who are meant to be with me?” I never thought of that.
More than half of people who’d read this had that “I’m done with my parents” mindset when you were chastised. At times, you’d sit and think, “are they really my parents?” You’d reminisce on all the maltreatment you’ve felt. And feel hated.
But the surprising part of it is, these feelings are very temporal. It goes by evening, our mind totally forgets them.
The part of the mind that bring these thoughts to our mind is the same part which brings up “breakup”, “finding someone else”, “looking forward to the next relationship”.
Of course, there are genuinely toxic relationships. Relationships that will crumble you, that’ll turn the compass of your life to the wrong direction. That can not be disputed.
We’re not focusing on such relationships, as a matter of fact, such relationship can be easily spotted. You know genuinely that you’ve endured, you’re trying your best, but your partner feels like a rock tied to your neck, that when you jump into the ocean called life, he/she would drown you.
But there are relationships that are like that of the relationship between you and a loving mother who’s best way of correcting you feels like maltreatment to your immature mind. And you want to leave. Forgetting that you’re the fault and what you need is draw yourself to caution and abstain from what will spike mom’s anger.
If you understand the rule of “everyone is faulty” you’d rather repair than leave. And most times, if you calm down and look for where you’re wrong, instead of castigating others, you’ll find out more than you would if you always want to leave.
How are you so sure that the next will be better than your ex? It may feel so at the beginning, but wrong decisions always find a way to sprout regrets.
If you stop the act of always expecting to leave your partner because of any little misunderstanding, you’d last longer. If you stop saying worlds like “I’m tired of this guy,” if you stop encouraging that feeling of “the next one will be better” you create a “family” feeling in the relationship.
You feel tired of a relationship? Find why you’re tired instead of lookin forward to the next. Find how you can repair instead of abandon.
I read a story on Facebook about a man who was tired of his wife because she was fat, had grey hair and had stretch marks on her body. Day by day, he made himself grow tired of the woman.
He always spoke to her rudely and told her how fat she was and how her grey hair made her look unattractive.
He soon left his wife and started out with a Lady he liked. She was beautiful and was entirely nothing like his ex-wife. He spent a lot of money on her which made her look very attractive.
After a while, he lost his job, and so long he was unable to provide, the lady left him. During that period, he received a call from his wife about the illness of their son. At this time, he was already feeling remorse for his stupidity.
He went to the hospital, and immediately he saw his wife, he began to see the reason why she was fat, had grey hair and stretch marks.
She worried too much about the family, she had no time for herself, she made the family her priority, she dedicated her life to the family, her stretch marks was as a result of child birth.
He tried to eat his cake and have it, but she got married to another man. Who knew how to fix and not abandon.
Learn to fix.