While I share the sentiments of those who believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment; I also wish to emphasise that marrying the wrong person or marrying with the wrong motive at heart could spell doom.
I was raised by a father and a mother whose principles and believes about marriage will never change even if it means watching you die in the hands of a man. While my dad will never kick against any man you bring to him as your husband-to-be, he will fight tooth and nail to ensure you remain married to that man even if he turns you into a punching bag.
Sisters reading this should hear this–my story is not cut out from those Nollywood scripts; this a real life story of what I am passing through at the moment. Get this into your head—long courtship doesn’t guarantee a peaceful home. That you have known and dated a man for years doesn’t mean you know everything about him. All men are liars.
The first sign things were not going to head my way in the marriage reared its ugly head two month after we got married. I got back late from work that evening to find out that my man was already back from work and waiting for my return. It was an unusual circumstance since he got home for the first time before me. I greeted him and he responded with a couple of questions at the same time. While I quite agree that he was right to ask me why I got back home late that evening, I thought it would have made a lot of sense if he had sympathized with me because of the stress I went through at work.
Things changed from then, and our marriage never got going as expected. But why would things ever go fine when one of the things he asked me that day was if I was cheating on him. Of course, I was so shocked to my marrow and didn’t know what or how to answer him because it never crossed my mind that my husband could suspect me of cheating on him. We didn’t speak all through the night because he simply refused to eat the food I cooked for him and went straight to bed.
I couldn’t bear it the next day and had to approach him few hours after he got back from work. I asked him if it was a crime to come late from work once in a while, especially since it was not my fault. I told him it wasn’t right to reject my food and that he should let peace reign in the marriage. He didn’t respond at first, but when he did, it was another shocker. He asked me to swear if I wasn’t actually cheating on him. That got me really angry because I can’t imagine myself swearing over what I didn’t even do in the first place. I told him I was not going to swear since I never cheated on him; and he landed a slap on my face.
That was the first time he slapped me. All through our courtship and before then, Ladi never raised his hand on me. Yes there were some heated arguments, but they never degenerated into physical abuses. I held his shirt the moment he did that and in his efforts to get my hand off it, he landed more slaps and blows on me. I was so hurt that I couldn’t go to work the next day. It was a terrible experience, but it was also an event that paved the way for more tough times.
Though, we were able to settle it through the help of my parents and a few neighbours; he never stopped assaulting me physically since that time. I once packed my things and left his house for a friend’s place, but he came back to plead with me to come back home. I think it is in him now, and I am not sure he is going to change because there is no month he doesn’t lay his hands on me. He now acts like an animal because he is so insensitive that he even beats me during pregnancy.
Ladi draws inspiration from my parents who seem careless if I he kills me as long as I don’t divorce him since my dad is against separation as a Christian. My dad said he would disown me if I walked out of my marriage, and he even swore to bar my mum from coming anywhere near me.
Abuse in marriage is real, I never thought this would happen; especially from a man who showed no trace of being a bully all through our courtship.
As I write this, I am miles ways from home and never will I return to that monster of a man just to please my dad. People keep blaming me that I should have sensed it before we got married; but how would I have known that he was going to change? At this point, I could care less what my dad wants to do, it doesn’t move me one bit.
Ladi has been calling and pleading with me to come back home, especially with his son; but there is no turning back this time. I am through with him and though with the marriage for good.