I don’t really know if this is the right place to share my story, but I do know that people have had their problems solved on diaries like this. I am going to tell you a bit about my background so you could be in better stead to judge me. However, you must understand that everyone has got a weakness or a guilty passion; and that is why I advice that you go easy on me.
This could possibly not be a new thing as we all know that nothing in this world is entirely new. The thing is, it’s new since it’s the first time it’s happening to me.
Dear readers, the word love never meant anything to me all through my college and university days. I tried playing along to see if I could fall in love with some guys just to be on the same page with my friends, but things never really worked out as planned. Whenever I went out with any guy, it was just to see if things could actually work; but all ended up without any positive result.
It wasn’t my fault that men regarded me as too cold and informal to be in a relationship, and this never bothered me that much. However, it did bother my parents back in the days as they thought it was perfectly abnormal that someone could have a cold heart out of their children.
I really don’t think one should settle down with a man or woman just for the sake of it or to please some people in the society. I believe that love should come naturally, and any other thing aside from that could be suicidal. Moreover, love only comes when it wants to, and not when one forces it. When love eventually turned up at my door, it was with someone the society would crucify me for; a married man!
You heard me right; I am madly in love with a married man. I am insanely in love with a man not only married, but with two daughters and a son. Love struck me the very first time I came in contact with Patrick. He couldn’t take his eyes off me, and neither could I because my adrenaline pumped up that very moment. I knew it was love because I never felt that way all my life. I also need to admit that I never knew he was already married at that time since he was all alone.
Patrick had given me a ride that evening on my way from office. The traffic from the Island was so terrible that evening and there was a mad rush to board any commercial bus heading towards Ikeja. We chatted all the way, and it was as though we have been friends for years. Unlike other men before him, I was eager to go out with him; and that was why I didn’t hesitate to give him my phone number when he asked me.
Finally I found someone I love, and someone who for the very first time in my entire life makes me feel what love truly is. For three months we went out without opening up on our past or present lives. He never mentioned the fact that he already has three kids and a lovely wife. When he did open up, he gave an excuse that he had to keep it away from me because he didn’t want me to walk out of his life.
We have never made love, but kissed on couple of occasions but so difficult resisting his touch. Within me is this sense of guilt that I am denying another woman the joy of true matrimony; but even Patrick doesn’t want to quit the relationship with me. I doubt if I would ever fall in love with anyone else since it took me more than seventeen years to actually feel and understand what love is.
I have no intention of ruining another woman’s home; but my heart doesn’t want to let go.
Please readers, I need sound advice on how to overcome this incredible feeling I am having. I have lost the will to ask Patrick to walk out of my life; and even worse is the lack of courage not to see him everyday.
