It is now 18 years since I left Dapo and my 3 year old marriage for reasons that not everyone would understand. There are times when certain decisions taken by you are difficult to explain to people. No matter how much you tried to make people see reasons, they just keep criticizing you for your decision. I know marital vows are not to be broken; but there are circumstances that may lead you into walking out. To some people, it was a terrible mistake to abandon my 2 year old son with his father.
I got married in a quiet ceremony at our local church in Ijebu to a man I dated close to 4 years. Dapo was my choice, so it wasn’t as if anyone forced him on me. It didn’t take long before we had our first child; Morinmade. He was everything any mother could ever dream of. Even as a little child, he looked every inch like his father in terms of appearance. My prayer is that he would not take after his father in terms of aspirations and maybe desperations.
My husband didn’t show his other side until we had Morinmade. He didn’t betray any sign that shows him to be a man who was ready to do anything to make money. No matter how well you thought you knew someone; you are a starter because it’s a waste of time.
Dapo lost his job 3 months after the birth of our son, and things became very tough for the family thereafter as we had no savings to fall back on. Things became so tough that he would encourage me to go to some of his friends to collect money so we could survive. At fist I didn’t see anything wrong with it because I thought his jobless status would change very soon. Of course, it didn’t change; at least not while I was married to him. We were practically living from hand to mouth as everything that could go wrong went wrong.
My baby and I were not going through the easiest of times. I needed to eat regularly so I could breastfeed him since we couldn’t always afford baby foods. So I was practically breastfeeding him even on empty stomach sometimes. I lost count of how many times I passed out or almost passed out for lack of strength.
About 8 months into my son’s second birthday, I started noticing a particular trend in Dapo’s behaviour. He started making some strange suggestions about making it by all means necessary no matter who is hurt. He would say things like; “use what you have to get what you want.” Though, things were tough, the last thing I ever want to do in my life is use my body to make money. if that what was Dapo was suggesting I do, then he should count me out!
Of course, that was just one of the things he wanted me to do; and it goes to show how horrible men can be when they are desperate. The fist day he suggested it, I responded by hitting him across the face. He was shocked at my reaction and responded by saying he was sorry. He then went ahead to say that there is actually no sacrifice too much to make our son happy. He said if he was in my shoes, he would do whatever it takes to make Morinmade happy. Of course, I wanted the best for my son, but I wasn’t going to sell my self for money. As the pressure mounted everyday, my resolve not to do it reduced. Gradually I started giving it a thought, and soon I asked him if it won’t affect our love for each other. Eventually I gave in to his demands, and asked him to explain what it was all about and how we were to go about it. He said it was only going to be two or three times, and we could start some business with it. When he mentioned business, I became suspicious, and asked him if he thought I was a fool to think we could raise enough money for sleeping two or three times with men. It was then that I got to know that he had it all planned out.
Dapo knew that there was a particular man who was interested in me even before we got married; and it was that same man he wanted me to start with. The man had promised me heaven and earth to marry him or at least sleep with him; but I never did. He confessed to me how he had made arrangements with this same man to have sex with me in exchange for money.
I guess you may never be able to judge a man’s true character until you have had an opportunity to meet and spend time with him. My encounter with the man Dapo wanted me to sleep with changed my life and finally made me abandon my husband and my son.
We arranged to meet at a hotel in Lagos so that none of my friends or my husband’s or family members or relatives would see us together. When we got to the hotel room, I was surprised because the man’s countenance became sober. He couldn’t look straight at my face, and asked me to hear him out before we get down to ‘business.’
He said he was ready to give me enough money to take care of my family, but he wants me to hear him out first. He said he had known my husband even before we got married. I wasn’t surprised because Dapo had told me about him before we got married. He now went ahead to tell me how my husband had told him about his plans to pass me on to two other friends of his (the man’s friend) who were also interested in me. He said he felt bad when the entire plan was being made, and he kept quiet then because he only wanted to have his own share. According to him, his mood changed when he saw me, and noticed signs of a woman who cried all night.
He quietly declined to have anything with me, and gave me 50,000 Naira and asked me to feel free to call on him anytime I needed something. He then took me to the park where I boarded a bus back to Ijebu. On getting home, I was surprised at my husband’s countenance because he never showed any sign of jealousy. Instead he asked me to bring the 300,000 Naira the man gave me; and it was right then that I got to know that the man was to pay 300,000 Naira just to sleep with me. Madness!
I told him we didn’t do anything, but that the man gave me 50,000 Naira anyway. At first he thought I was lying, and only believed me after speaking with the man on phone. He was furious and accused me of making a mess of his plans. Of course, he collected the money from me, and asked me to prepare for the next ‘job.’ That was when I made up my mind to leave the house as soon as my son marked his second birthday.
I left my home few days after Morinmade’s second birthday to stay with a friend. Though, it was tough living without my son; but things picked up as I later got a place of own through the money that man sent me. I gradually started buying and selling men’s underwear and other things.
16 years after I left Dapo, I am yet to remarry, but I have been able to have another child.
My husband and I have been able to meet a couple of times after I left home; but I am not sure I ever want to go back there to live with him again. The problem I have is how to explain my reason for leaving to Morinmade. How do I explain to him that I left because his father wanted to turn me into a prostitute?
Please advice me because I want to make peace with my son.