First of all, I’d love to elucidate on reading chats: it is not right that you skim in other people’s privacy.
Irrespective of the relationship that is between you two, you shouldn’t read other people’s chats, unless the intimacy have been built and it is agreed upon that two has become one and that there are no limits to what the other person can know in terms of privacy.
But calm down.
I’d love to paint a picture to you, don’t worry, it won’t take long; I’m a fast artist.
It is bad that you can’t control your anger, right? (I’ll take that as a yes).
But is it right that someone should annoy you unjustly? (I know you’ll agree No)
It is not right that you’re unjustly vexed, it is not right that you can’t control your anger.
Stay with me.
More than half of the time, if someone; it could be your sibling, your parents, your friends, your lover, your spouse, your coworker, reads your chats or wants to know something you’re hiding, it is your fault.
How?
It is because you’re trying to hide it.
“But it’s my privacy,” you may say;
No, that’s not privacy, that’s secrecy. People are only curious to know what is in secrete, not what is in private.
“What’s the difference?” You may ask.
Now, listen; if you walk into a toilet to pee and close the door, that’s privacy. But if you walk into the toilet to do what people don’t normally do in the toilet, and close the door, that’s secrecy.
No body will freak out because they mistakenly saw you naked while you wanted to put your cloths on. They accidentally violated your privacy.
But anyone would freak out if they mistakenly saw you committing murder. They accidentally intruded your secrecy.
When two couples are making out in their room, it is privacy. When an adult it making out with a minor in a room, that’s secrecy.
As a lady, when you’re merely chatting with a guy who’s a mere friend and you just don’t want to share the chat with others, that’s privacy.
But when you’re flirting with a guy on a chat and you’re in a relationship, that’s… You know what it is.
So it is not the act of hiding, it is what you’re trying to hide.
You know the funny part of this? once you’re doing something wrong in secrete, you tends to always give the signal that you’re trying to hide something, and it makes one wants to find out what the hell you’re hiding.
You call attention, and we all humans, it takes a very mature mind to let you be with what you are trying to hide.
Hold on. Let me take you somewhere else. Let’s take Fred as your imaginary brother:
If Fred, who is 17 years old, gets a girl pregnant and he tried to keep it secrete, it won’t be easy for him if you as a sister or a big brother already established an intimate relationship with your brother where you know him from A to Z.
Fred will grow skinny because of the thought of the pregnancy. He’ll find it hard to eat, even if he could keep flint, you as an intimate elder sister or brother will know that Fred is not fine and something is bothering his heart.
How did you know, the pregnancy has an effect on him.
Let’s go back to our main discussion.
Fred’s illustration tells us that whenever you’re hiding a chat (secretly flirting) it affects your relationship even if you’re trying to pretend. For someone who’d built an intimate relationship with you, they’ll be affected, because the attention had been divided, your gadget will become much more important because that’s where you flirt.
Unlike privacy, it has no effect, because it is part of living, generally.
Now, your spouse or lover would want to know what’s in the gadget he’s vying for your attention with. You’ll try to hide it because it’s not privacy, it’s secrecy.
And anytime they have the chance to skim through your phone to see what’s actually going on, they will.
It’s is not right that they read your chats, but if they try to, that means you triggered it, they’re not trying to violate your privacy, but your secrecy.
And if we have to be a little sympathetic here, then we’d say, they’re hurting. If your boyfriend wants to check your chat, he’s bothered, and it’s your fault. Although in a more civilised sense, he’s supposed to control his emotions and stay clear.
It was first your fault, before theirs.
More like being offended, and being mature enough to control the anger.
Most times you’d hear this in Nigeria, where there’s dispute: “Wetin the girl do no good, but he for no beat am like that.”
It is good to be good.