MY MOTHER WAS RAPED

By
Iyanda'
-
671
588
MY MOTHER WAS RAPED

HOW MY MOTHER WAS RAPED
MY MUM WAS RAPED!!

It happened in the Eastern part of Nigeria, she told me in her serious tone that always had a touch of uplifted spirits and taking whatever statement she was making in stride; with her characteristic pause, she began again, “…and in a strange way, it was something I was already used to.” Speaking of the ambivalence or perhaps even disregard that she felt at the time, my mother began opening up to me about some of the darker chapters of her sexual past. She continued as I sat silently and she began to tell me about her history of having men force themselves on her. It was completely unexpected as we were sitting across one another, myself on the couch and her in her favorite chair, the rays of sunshine beaming through the window behind me, and suddenly our casual afternoon conversation took a very unusual and candid turn. Though it was something I welcomed; the most important thing I could do was listen to her.

I care about my mother and I sincerely want to know who she is. As a son, I want to be able to be everything for her that I can be, and that means not turning a blind eye to the facts about her and her life that might make me uncomfortable…

It’s no secret that Iyanda’s diary has changed me. It’s changed the way I address women personally, it’s changed the way women view themselves, and it’s changed the way we as a society approach our sexuality, questioning some deeply held beliefs about what’s acceptable and what’s not.

Above all, my mother’s story has demonstrated the ubiquitous nature of both sexual assault and rape, showing the world just how prevalent these practices actually are, and that anyone could be a victim…even our own mothers.

“I’d already had it happen to me so many times, people would touch me, that it was really like nothing new.”

When you discuss such topics as a man, topics like rape, you’re typically met with the accusation that you’re pandering to women or somehow trying to paint yourself in a caring or favorable light. The attitude gets thrown around a lot, and that’s generally because people will try to attack your character by the way of your motives when they’re met with information that makes them uncomfortable that they can’t address directly. Calling your motives into question is the hallmark red flag of the abuser.

But, beyond the embittered cynics and internet skeptics, my discussions of such topics in a public forum have had some consequences which are as unexpected as they are wonderful. The most important one, I will say, is the fact that my own mother has come to me now, a man in my mid-thirties, with a desire to finally open up to others about her own experiences with sexual assault and rape. My work was a sign that it was her time to share some of her stories with me after more than three decades of silence.

We discussed her past, her thoughts, her feelings in depth, and we discussed me writing this story to tell hers, something she agreed would be a good idea. This story has been written with her full knowledge and consent.

It’s a life-changing moment when your parent opens up about a rape they’d experienced. It changes you, you begin to understand just how human they are, even if you’d already known their limitations before. It’s one thing to see your parents as human, it’s a whole different story to see them as a victim.

It’s a humbling experience, one that changes your view of the entire world, and none of it would have been possible if it weren’t for my openness and willingness to listen and discuss such topics publicly. In order for me to understand the deep pain my own mother had experienced in life, I needed to first become the kind of person she could comfortably communicate that pain to.

As she continued, we discussed the possibility of getting her story out there for others to read. The discussion went on as she finally opened up about things I’ve gone my whole life not knowing. She said she wanted me to tell a bit of her story, not only to highlight the changes that our society has undergone in the last half-century, but also to share how we’ve come to bond over such a deeply intimate and, for many, troubling topic.

“When I was 14-years-old,” she continued, “I got my first job at a club. It was the early 1970’s and the attitudes were much more relaxed about sex then. Men would just approach me and grope me, men would ask me obscene questions or tell me all of the sexual things they wanted to do to me. I was just a 14-year-old girl trying to process what was happening.” I sat patiently and quietly, just listening to her words — this wasn’t my moment to shine, but hers…

“Some of them would ask me, drunkenly, ‘Hey, honey, does the carpet match the curtains?’” It doesn’t take much imagination to hear the voices of such men throwing such creepy lines out there. The fact is, they’re still all around us:

“You can’t do that anymore, you can’t just walk up to people and grope them. It’s not quite the same, but look around at all these celebrities, it still happens behind closed doors, but back then, you were able to just do it in public and no one cared.”

This, to me, serves as a testament to how far the push for women’s rights has come in such a short period of time, as well as a terrifying reminder of how recently sexual assault was quite normalized. “Do you feel like things have gotten better?” I asked her to signify that it was okay for her to keep on…

“Some things have and some things haven’t. It’s definitely different. It was so constant that by the time I was raped in Aba, I didn’t even care. I’d already had it happen to me so many times, people would touch me, that it was really like nothing new.”

When a stranger approached her and forced her down and told her not to move, she didn’t even care. Sexual assault and misconduct were so normalized by the time she was a teenager, it was just understood that this is what happened. My imagination instantly transitioned to a world in which people were just out there, everywhere, raping people on a whim. Naturally, our minds have a tendency to conjure up the darker things when we discuss such topics, and the imagination can tend to wander down some twisted, convoluted paths. But, this time, the mental movies weren’t at all too far from the truth.

She told me about the constancy with which it happened, it seemed to her like it was just about all the time, someone would grab her breasts without notice or warning, someone would corner her and try to dirty-talk her, groups of men would joke with their friends and laugh about doing sexual things to her, joking in such a manner that she could hear them and fear that such behaviors were about to be forced onto her. It wasn’t unlike 

She was clear that there’s still a lot of work to do. She was also very open about the fact that rape and sexual assault was something that was simply accepted when she was growing up. There was no rape activists, as she pointed out, no television shows discussing these types of abuses on men, women, and children, it was just something that nobody talked about. It was astonishing to think of a world where sexual assault and rape were just acceptable, and it’s more bewildering to realize that many of those people who lived in and condoned such a world are still alive today. It’s amazing to see how far we’ve come in such a short time as one generation. Most people, in her view, used to simply believe that physical and sexual abuse were normal, things that every kid went through, and there were no media campaigns which told otherwise.

She spoke of the fact that pretty much every man in her life tried to physically contact her, coerce her, or sexually assault her throughout her life. It was one constant theme, a narrative that simply wouldn’t quit as she went on living. She also spoke of the few good people who stood out as the shining examples of wonderful men, men who were a breath of fresh air for a woman drowning in a sea of pressure, fear, pain, and predation.

Fortunately, she’s gotten older and much of this is behind her in her later years. But, what does this say about our society that women have to wait until they age and go out less in order to not have to deal with the constant harassment and sexual assault that our society delivers unto them? I think it says a lot, and yes, there is still a long way to go. I think most men who don’t take sexual assault seriously typically think that it won’t happen to them or their loved ones, but the numbers don’t lie, chances are that it has and they simply don’t know about it — they haven’t yet become the type of men that women can share these sorts of things with. Their world is fragile and artificial, missing some of the rawest and human elements of life. I refuse to live in such virtual worlds. To do so is irresponsible to both myself and those around me, and it’s also a radical rejection of truth as well.

If you find yourself leaning towards the anti-feminism camp, or even worse, anti-women, I ask you to question how you feel about the notion that your own mother or others closest to you have likely been raped. Statistically speaking..
there’s a 1 in 3 chance that each woman close to you has experienced either an attempted or completed rape
While it may be difficult, I can say that it’s very much worth it for us to have these types of conversations with our parents, if anything, to let them know that we love them and that we still care about them no matter what they throw our direction. It’s important that we become this kind of man for every woman in our lives, keeping the door of understanding open so that women feel comfortable coming to us when they need to with their own personal stories.

My mother and I have gotten a lot closer than we’ve ever been this year, and it’s been an amazing and indescribable experience that I can only recommend that we overcome our own personal insecurities and try to get closer to our parents — they won’t be around forever. I’m incredibly thankful for this time we do have and that she feels comfortable enough with me to share her story.

I’m truly thankful for having her in my life and getting to know her as closely as I am today. It’s truly one of life’s most precious gifts…and I’m proud of her. I’m proud of her for being strong, for getting through the living hell she’s been put through in her life and coming out smiling on the other side

I couldn’t stop thinking about it, or about how the pain and trauma she experienced shaped her life, and eventually, mine.

The fact that she couldn’t talk about her assault – that she didn’t know it was an assault – is disheartening, but there’s also the fact that she got to the point where she could talk, and that we’ve at least come to a place where the generation after her can say, This is everywhere, it’s not just you, it happens all the time, you’re not alone and you never were.”

PLEASE NOTE: These stories are sent in by readers and each is the opinion of the reader only. Iyanda’s diary is not responsible for what is sent in or how actions/ procedures have been followed. *Names have been changed.

HOW MY MOTHER WAS RAPED

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