Verbal abuse is one of the most difficult form of abuses to identify and sadly can be a common type of abuse in some marriages today. A lot of women in our society today are going through some kinds of verbal abuses from their spouses; thereby making their homes look like hell. The unfortunate thing is that most Nigerian women do not even know they are being verbally abused by their spouses. They have been sold lies, with most of them believing that you are only being abused when your man hits you.
Moni (not real name) is one of hundreds of thousands of Nigerian women going through verbal abuses in their marriages. Her story, though short and very painful, paints the sad picture of what some women go through.
My name is Moni or Monisola; I am from the southwest region of Nigeria. I got married to my husband in an elaborate wedding ceremony not up to four years ago in far away Ibadan. My husband and I didn’t court each other for a very long time before we got married. Our marriage didn’t get off to a good start because our honeymoon was cut short only a few days into marriage when the first signs of his true colour started manifesting. One of the very beautiful gifts presented to us on our wedding day got broken while I was trying to move it to a different location in the house, and the rain of abuses I got that day was shocking to say the least. It took him days to stop calling me names because of that singular event.
Shola (name of my husband) hates men who beat up ladies, but would stop at nothing to drive home his point by constantly calling me names and using all kinds of abusive languages. He has never raised his hands against me since we got married, but would stop at nothing to use harsh words on me whenever I did something wrong.
Shola uses all kinds of negative words against me, and even my parents when I do anything wrong. Sometimes I just have this feeling that he hates everything about me; but he has denied that over and over again. He buys me gifts and takes me out; but would snap at me at any little mistake I make. I don’t know what to believe of him anymore as I get abused at any slight mistake. He reprimands me even in the public and in front of my friends; yet he is the first to insult men who beat their wives.
Is verbal abuse any better than physical abuse? I have lost confidence in my marriage, and no longer feel comfortable around him when we go out. I now stay on my own—away from him.
How do you hang around a man who uses words like ‘bitch,’ ‘slow poison’ etc. He has totally turned me into a recluse, and I am no longer my usual self. My friends have noticed this, and one of them is the one who encouraged me to open up and seek for advice on how to overcome this challenge and free my mind of this burden.
Please advise me…
