What is Abuse?
Would you agree that abuse is abuse?I came across this definition of the word “Abuse” and this has got to be a controversial one!
Abuse is an attempt to control the behaviour of another person. It is a misuse of power which uses the bonds of intimacy, trust and dependency to make the victim vulnerable.
Physical abuse includes pushing, shoving, slapping, kicking, punching, hitting, spitting, pinching, pulling hair, choking, throwing things, hitting victims with an object, and using or threatening to use a weapon.
Sexual abuse is forced unwanted sex, demanding the partner wear more (or less) provocative clothing; forced sex in any form; insisting the partner act out fantasies, and denial of the partner’s sexuality.
Verbal abuse is a form of abusive behaviour involving the use of language (criticizing, name-calling, put downs threatening, blaming). It differs from profanity in that it can occur without the use of expletives. Verbal abuse is a pattern of behaviour that can seriously interfere with one’s positive emotional development and over time, can lead to significant detriment to one’s self-esteem, emotional well-being and physical state. Verbal abuse, although not visibly apparent, is damaging nonetheless.
Financial abuse occurs when you are not allowed to have money or any control over money. This could include running up large debts in your name or selling your possessions without permission. Your partner may keep you accountable for any money spent, approving or disapproving of your spending. It could also mean you are not allowed to have a job so you are dependent on your partner for money and survival.
Isolation occurs when you are isolated from your family, friends, and community as a way for your partner to stay in control. Your partner may be extremely jealous of any contacts you have, forbid you to have contact with anyone, or monitor your phone calls, mail or daily activities. Sometimes your partner may use intimidation or threats to control you. You may have to be accountable for your time away or have to make excuses for leaving the home. You may have to communicate secretly when your partner is absent.
Emotional/psychological abuse can cause anxiety and depression and cause you to withdraw from everyone or everything around you. Examples of this type of abuse include insulting your family or friends, ridiculing your beliefs, race or religion, using constant put downs, threatening suicide if you leave, keeping you prisoner in your home, threatening to take the children if you leave and threatening to have you deported.
Sometimes or let’s say in most cases, we hear people say there is nothing a woman can do that will justify a physical assault from a man. Is that really true? The book always says the man is bigger, but what if the reverse is the case and the woman is actually bigger than the man in terms of her physical build or strength also? Well, I guess that might be just a few cases .What if the man is the one being mentally and verbally being abused by the woman? Could we then say abuse is abuse no matter the form of abuse that is taking place?
Is it actually due to the fact that some men don’t come out in the open to admit such assaults for fear of being humiliated and mocked by the society? I mean most men feel it’s kind of funny and absurd especially in the kind of society we live in for a man to come out publicly declaring how he was assaulted by a woman or how his wife belittles him all the time. What if the abuse becomes so unbearable and nothing much can be done because divorce is totally out of it according to his own belief?
Regardless of whom the victims of a physical assault it, should there not be a means to resolve things without actually being biased? Some women go to the extreme; they say all kind of things to their partners. They compare their partners to other men out there; using words like “is this how other men out there treat their wives?” Are words of abuse the right way to encourage or challenge a man to go out there and work to keep the family going? What could also make a man physically abuse his wife?
So would it be fair to say abuse is abuse no matter which form of abuse it is?
