One may want to call me over caring, overprotective, too detailed or what have you. But I think everyone should pay attention to this part of life, people rarely do, believe me.
At a time in my life I came to realise how people tend to be nice and caring on the surface, but not so beneath the surface.
I think Jada Pinkett Smith said something resembling this, that “make sure you’re not acting care just to satisfy yourself, but to satisfy that person you’re caring for.”
Some persons care for people because of the way they want people around or that person in question to regard them as.
In other words, the area of interest is not the care ( the act of kindness) it is perspective (how they want people to perceive them).
You might wonder, isn’t it better that I want people to regard me as a caring person than a wicked one?
While you think that, pay attention to my story, it might cause a paradigm shift.
My wife was one of those today business strategists who are always at their best behind a gadget. And truth be told, she’s brilliantly cutting her way into racking in millions from that business online.
She’s been invited to several grand business talks in top companies where she’s a speaker.
I kinda like her so much more when she really got out into doing these stuff. Why? Because people loved her more, like there are a lot of feedback that made me feel jealous and wanted to be overprotective, but I was able to caution myself to hold back, I didn’t want my over protectiveness to hinder anything in her blossoming career.
She was free and she really explored more and more. I began to feel better when she would go online sometimes and rain praises on me out there. She would tell her consistent followers how I had really been of help, even sugarcoated the whole story of how I was not a bone in the throat but rather a shoulder to lean on.
I was quite satisfied, I must confess, and I thought there was no angel like my wife. She treated me well as a husband at home, she gave our kids joy as well as I did, plus she was excellent with her followers and she’d made us all love her except one person…
…Our house help.
We were at the office one day, I was with my friend, George: I kinda think the name, George, was for huge or bearded guys, but this George is a very small man with no hair. He’s bald up and down. And one thing one can easily notice when you see George for the first time is, he’s a talker. I believe he suffers from a rare neurological condition called Witzelsucht which causes a person to make puns, sexual comments and dirty jokes or tell pointless stories at inappropriate times without knowing it’s socially unacceptable.
Guys are not too bothered about his condition, but ladies are. He’s been reported severally but the company cannot do away with George because of his problem solving ability and brilliant presentations when there are prospects.
He is the companies most valuable employee. His wisdom and brilliance overrode his stupidity, and I can’t but admit he’s my best friend.
My wife came to the office to see me, and she bumped into George. They had quite a long talk, because I could see them via my office’s transparent wall. I wondered what he could be telling her. My wife was laughing throughout their conversation and would point to my office at intervals.
But immediately she turned to continue her journey down to my office, the smile faded off so quickly into a frown. I was able to guess he’d said something stupid.
It wasn’t a long visit, about 15 minutes later, my wife left my office, she didn’t mention anything that George told her that was bad.
At the end of the day, long after work, I was driving George home as usual because he hadn’t fixed his car when he told me my wife was not the easy type.
I told him my Emily was the best any man would which for, she’s so loved by all.
Then he said: “let your house help be the judge of that”.
When I further asked George what he meant, he told me drivers, house helps, nannies, PAs, and the likes are the real people to ask when talking about the likes of my wife.
He told me that if I confront our house help, she won’t be able to tell me the truth. Even if I was able to convince her and tell her her job was secured, it won’t work, because even at slight, she’d sugarcoat the truth.
But how can I get the truth from her?
He gave me an idea.
What was it?
He asked that I sack her and look everywhere for her best friend, then plan well with that friend, make sure to convince her everything was going to be okay, I only wanted to know my wife better.
One evening, close to the period where we usually allow her to go to the village to see her parents/guardian, I told her I was going to have to sack her, I didn’t like her conduct whilst she had been hardworking in my house, I had no reason for sacking her, trust me.
One thing I did that was brilliant was, I sacked her in the middle of the night and sent her out, knowing fully well she would have no place to stay just that her friend I had located.
We had a tape to record what ever she was going to say to her friend, I know this is quite extreme, but remember, in the beginning of this post, I told you I was overprotective, I only didn’t mentioned that I was quite inquisitive too.
I was convinced that I had a good wife; remember I called her my angel. I wanted to prove to George that my wife was the best.
Dami, my house help made plans to leave the next day to her village, but of course, the friend was able to hold her back since it was all like a prank.
She sent the tape to me that day’s evening and I started it in my room, just to listen to the truth that my house help had about my wife and I and probably the whole family.
The record started with her friend asking what had happened and why I’d sacked her.
“I no know wetin happen sha, but I trust say na madam go spoil me give oga so. Bunmi, you know me, I no de like wahala.”
And that’s true, Dami is very reclusive and minds her business a lot.
“But wetin make you think say na madam go spoil you give am?”
That was a very smart question from Bunmi. At least, it would lead the rest of the story I wanted to hear.
“That woman just no get cool for poor people. Weather she think say I be winsh o, I no just understand. The way she de treat me, if you no know me before, you go think say I be one play yeye play with her man. But na just say person poor, na the offense be that. I no know where them de see rich house help. E fit still be say my spirit and her no rhyme.”
Now, when I heard this part of the record, I began to reminisce on the people my wife had been good to. Me, my kids, her followers and closed friends; but these set of people I’ve just mentioned are quite in the money angle: how do I mean? Her followers usually pay for her online business, why won’t she be nice to where the money comes from regardless? I am her husband, should want to be nice in front of me, (there are several reasons). Then her kids, mothers are quite cool with their kids. Caring for a relative is not at an extreme, it is caring for a stranger.
“So how she con take bad to you? Wetin she de do you wey you no like?”
This was planned, I know, but the fact that Bunmi was asking the right questions was a total smart move.
“Madam na person wey no mind weather I eat or not. Na me cook food, but the way she go take tell me make I serve others con remain nothing for me no be small. Sometimes na wetin them no fit finish I de chop.”
The fact that I wasn’t aware of this really hurt me, I didn’t pay enough attention, but the justifiable reason was because I thought she was an Angel.
“Madam don come warm me say make I no show my face for sitting room, say her visitors wey de around na top class and nah her prospect them be. That one no too pain me sha, but the thing be say, people de think say she good well well.”
That’s the point, Dami was aware how we all thought of her.
“Madam don see me de trek come house one time like that con drive pass me nah. Wetin pain me be say, na the same house she de go.”
That’s totally bad. If all these weren’t planned well, I’d say she just lied.
“She don come warm me once say make I stay clear from her husband. That one na when I just newly come the house. That woman just hate me… with the way she de talk to me, you fit tell.”
After this, she didn’t say much anymore, she only wanted to sleep.
George was totally correct. And I was so sure if I had asked her, should tell me otherwise. I can assure you Dami is one of the meekest human being on earth. We’ve put cameras in the kitchen one time to watch her cook for over a month, nothing was out of normal. I don’t know why my wife was cruel to her.
I didn’t intend playing the video for my wife soon. It would be long after we no longer have anything to do with Dami. But I’d be more watchful to make sure she’s comfortable when I call her back to the house.
The real caring people are not on camera nor online. Care is a bit quiet if you ask me.