Cry Of A Lonely Heart
Loneliness is not about being alone in one corner of the world with no one around you. Although, it is part of it. Loneliness is not about being caught alone in an action that many were involved. It’s just an inch close to it. You may be anxious as to know what loneliness actually means to me.
There are times in life that you feel troubled. There are periods in life that all you need do to put your heart at peace is to lean on someone. A problem shared is half way solved, so they say. But, when you are willing to share a problem and you encounter the problem of whom to share it with, you are lonely.
That is exactly my case as I write this short article. I feel that if I am able to share my worries with Iyanda readers, I may be eased off the heavy thoughts that have consumed my spirit. Who knows, I might be able to live happily again.
I am an orphan. I had lived all my life hoping that one day I make my parents happy wherever they are. In order to make them happy, I knew I must be successful in life no matter what. Even if it cost me doing it in an unacceptable way. I wanted to fulfil my parent’s last wish before they died.
I finished my secondary school education a year before both my parents died in a car accident that took many lives. My mother could have saved herself some minutes before the car exploded. Instead, she pushed me out through the window which could have been her escape route insisting that I must live. My father at his own end died instantly.
No day has passed since then without me thinking of my parents and how terribly they died. Most importantly how my mother saved my life. For that reason, I saw the importance of staying alive and making headway at all costs.
At first, I stayed with one of my aunts who maltreated me a lot. According to her, it was not necessary for me to go to school. I pondered over the reason why she had wickedly stopped me from going to school. After all, she was a rich woman. I couldn’t find the right answer for that so I decided to do it my own way.
I stole a huge amount of money from her safe box and absconded with it. With that money, I went to rent a house close to a university in Port Harcourt. I did that because I have always had the intention of going to university of Port Harcourt. I immediately paid to some people to help me runs the admission into that school and immediately, I was admitted. I lived well without anyone’s help thanks to my aunt’s money which was depreciating fast.
As soon as I was through with my first year, the money I stole was all gone so I had to think of another way to raise money for myself. I never wanted to sell myself out to men in order to get money so; I did it my own way for another time. After all, I thought I was smart.
I decided to go into prostitution without letting any man have sex with me. It is funny isn’t it? It was possible for me to do that because of several tricks I had spinning in my head. Whenever a man for that job, I will give him my rules that I don’t like to have sex when I’m tired. I will plead with him to let me rest for a while and during that time; I’ll keep myself busy by watching out for where he keeps his cash. Then, that will be my next target. And the moment I lay my hand on it, I will be gone like the wind.
It was like magic, it worked really well for me. And throughout my stay in school, I lived like the daughter of the president. And I was contented with myself because I believed my parents will be happy seeing their smart daughter live happily. I had a lot of valuables ,courtesy of my captives who will not be able to find me anywhere.
There was nothing else left for me to do except to find a man to head me. So, I decided to quit my job since I had a lot of business fetching me money. e.
I was about thirty years old when I met the man of my choice. He was the only child of a popular senator. We were so into each other that we had to hasten up our marriage. He took me to his parents and nemesis caught up with me.
There was a man I duped with close to a million naira. I never knew he was a senator. If I had known, I wouldn’t have had anything to do with any senator’s son knowing that I might be in danger. Prior to the issue of that man, I had always been careful enough to know the identity of my customers. I guess the senator was one of the few instances of people who hid their real identity and I was doomed because of that.
The senator totally disagreed with our marriage but, he didn’t give any reason because of the presence of his wife. That was the moment I realised that the life I lived was not a life to live. If I had known that life isn’t all about money, I would have made a different choice.
I had no friends because I didn’t want to. That was because of the life I lived. I wouldn’t have succeeded with friends around me. I wish I can go back to my aunt who seems to be the only family member that I know of but, shame wouldn’t let me. Who is left for me to turn to? Now, I live my life with fear of not bumping into others that have hurt so much in my hands.
Dear readers, what should I do with my life? Or has it been totally shattered?