Where Was My Self Esteem ?

Where was my self esteem?

Dear ID readers,

I used to be a victim of inferiority complex. I used to think that other people are superior over me. I can simply tell you that I suffered a lot from egoism disease.

I thank God today for healing me from the supposed disease. I want to share my part of story so that people who are still suffering from it can be cured.

Looking at me physically, I am far from what they call pretty. In addition, I’m also from a poor background. My family lived in abject poverty and through that, I managed to be educated at all costs.

Due to my background and facial look, I get easily intimidated. I don’t pass my boundary but, people tend to frustrate and make jest of me. I accommodate all forms of trash that people throw at me because I couldn’t face them to challenge them. I was ugly and poor. What mouth do I have? I didn’t witness anything until I got to the university.

If I go here, I see beautiful girls. If I go there, I see pretty girls. I looked totally different from them so, I never tried to be friends to them. Although, I studied hard and had good results. But, it couldn’t have been so if my looks weren’t that pitiful. But, since I had no choice, I studied all day and made best of results.

There was a period during my final year when the most outstanding student was to be sent abroad for masters. Apparently, I was the most outstanding but, I was surprised as another student name was announced. Some classmates were surprised as well. The class was then turned into a confused scenario and many were eager to know why I was cheated.

Soon, rumour started spreading that my position was chanced because of my looks. They said further that the student who they gave the scholarship was the one next to me. That student was a handsome looking guy who was also intelligent and outspoken. He was given because he could also express himself well unlike me who couldn’t defend herself anywhere.

I felt so bitter. How could life be so cruel? I was denied the scholarship when I was undisputedly the best student in class. I wanted to fight for my right. They had no right whatsoever to give it to someone who didn’t have the best grades. But, I couldn’t defend myself because of the fear that they may also end up mocking me because of my looks. I also silently wondered how someone as ugly as I am could actually grant the scholarship so I gave it up.

Not only that, there was also a so called big girl in my class then. She stepped on my foot one fateful day with her pencil healed shoe. It pierced a little through my skin before she realized she had stepped on someone. She was about to apologize when she realized that it was I. She then turned back and started moving forward. I wanted to call her back angrily to make her apologize as blood was coming out from my foot.

I quickly remembered the kind of shoes I was wearing and decided to let her go. The shoes were tattered and old fashioned. If I called her back and demand for an apology, people around would unconsciously look at the leg that has been stepped upon and so would see my tattered shoes. I didn’t want any mockery from anyone so I kept quiet. I was being treated like an invalid. That was why that girl didn’t feel the need to say sorry. She would have said it if it was somebody else.

I bitterly narrated the incident to my poor mother when I got home. She angrily despised me and made me feel sadder. She told me to use the boy who wore a coat of many colours to school. His mother made the coat from pieces of rags due to poverty. Despite that his friends were mocking him; he saw his coat as the most expensive among all of them. He even argued with the people mocking him that all their coats are not as worthy as his. He was proud of it and no one could harass him further.

Ever since that day, I’d decided to live my life being proud of myself. I lost so many things due to my inferiority complex but, I won’t let that happen any longer. Now, I see myself as the most beautiful thing God ever created. If I can see myself like that, anyone who thinks otherwise if of no importance to me.

Dear ID readers, please learn from my story. Don’t cheat and don’t be cheated. Say no to inferiority complex