Marriage is a life-long commitment between two people who have mutually agreed to travel along a similar part for the rest of their lives. It means the two of them must have agreed to cement their differences and agree to sacrifice certain things for the common good of their union. However, there are certain views that may take some deep thinking before one or both partners can come to an agreement. Here is one of the email I just received from one of our female readers whose view on a particular issue runs at variance with what her fiancé thinks. Please read and advise as usual…
Dave and I have agreed to settle down and be man and woman—as in husband and wife. We have really come a long way; having been friends before getting down to real relationship, which has now led to proposal from him and acceptance from me.
We share a lot of things in common, and that is one of our greatest assets as intending couple. We love each other so much that no one has ever settled a dispute between us—at least that is how much we both love each other. He is always willing to forgive me every time I offend him and the same goes for him.
However, no one would have thought that Dave and I will ever disagree on a matter that bothers on principle, which is now threatening our proposed union.
It’s two months (maybe less than that by the time Iyanda agrees to publish this mail) to our wedding, and Dave and I cannot seem to agree on a major issue.
Dave wants me to quit my high-paying job and become a full-time housewife when he finally resumes at his new position as a branch head in Abuja after our wedding. The transfer and promotion would have taken effect a few weeks back, but his company had to suspend action until after the wedding in order to give him time to prepare for his wedding.
To be honest, Dave and I never thought we would ever be made to decide on relocating from one place to another because of our individual careers; so the thought of becoming a full-time housewife never came to the fore during courtship.
Of course, and tradition demands that I follow him wherever he is taking me, but how can he suggests that I should not even bother looking for a new job once we get to Abuja? As a chartered accountant, it is pure madness for anyone to consider asking me to bin my degree and certificates just to resume full-time in the kitchen.
We have been having issues coming to an agreement on this matter, and things are not getting any better to be honest. It is the biggest stumbling block to our marriage, and it seems to be sending us farther apart from getting married in the next two months.
I don’t even know what to do now because Dave is not even prepared to reconsider his decision. He seems to be acting as if my opinion on this issue does not matter. My mum said I was possessed when I told her I was tired of the whole thing and wanted Dave and I to call it quit—she said I wanted to bring shame to the family.
I am just confused now because it seems the Dave I have known all my life is different from the one I am about to get married to. Does submission in marriage mean forfeiting your rights and privileges as a woman?
Should I walk out now and put an end to the wedding or what?