I Love Him, But I Don’t Want To Spend The Rest Of My Life With Him

Dear Readers,

I know a lot of people would be wondering at that headline or topic; but I suggest you wait until you have heard me out. I believe in perfect love; one that is unconditional, but not when it always reminds me of where I am coming from. Not when it reminds me of a bleak and not so reassuring future.

Until now, no one; not even those who never see anything positive in me doubted the love that existed between Dele and I. Dele and I have been dating for quite sometime now; eight years to be specific. He loves me, and I have no doubt in my heart that I love him. However, I am not convinced that the love that exists between us should end in marriage; now that is strange isn’t it?

I will be honest with you because I want someone who can convince me to do otherwise. I want someone to convince me that love alone is enough to make a happy home. I want someone out there to convince me how love alone will be sufficient to put food on the table, pay my children’s school fees, secure the best university education in CU or Babcock University, and on and on.

Yes, I also wish to be convinced that a man who would climb the highest mountain to profess his love for me;but earns below 25,000 Naira is the kind of man that will take me to the next level in terms of destiny. My mother married for love; but that was a decision that has deprived us of quality education. That was a decision that has virtually turned my family into one that is constantly harassed by landlords in various houses we have lived.

Things are so bad in our family that we only recently changed our black and white television set into an old school coloured one. If love brings peace and harmony in the family, why are my parents always at logger heads over money? History will not repeat itself in my case; I love him, but I am not convinced that he is the one to make me happy.

My determination not to marry him becomes even stronger each time I see my mum grabbing my dad’s shirt for feeding money.

Do I want to marry a man who can take care of me and provide everything that makes a home happy, and lively? Yes I do. Do I want to marry a man I love, but whose present financial status is not convincing, and the future doesn’t look convincing enough as well? No I don’t!

I will never marry him for love alone; except of course someone out there gives me practical reason to do so.