Love Shouldn’t Cause Heartaches, But Mine Does
Dear readers, why are we always attracted to love and relationship that costs us so much pain? I know they say love is blind; but I thought one shouldn’t lose his senses when ‘dying’ for someone? Like Fela’s popular song says-‘if you dey follow follow, make you open eye.’ My eyes are wide open, but I can’t seem to see what I am doing clearly or is it really love?
My name is Omotara Adegoke, the only daughter of my parents. I grew up in the Bodija area of Ibadan with my parents who made sure I never lacked anything an only child could ever ask for. My parents did not only spoil me with all the good things of life including sending me to one of the best private institutions in the south west of Nigeria; they also gave me so much liberty to mix with people from different societal backgrounds. It was while I was in the university that I actually met Ladi the supposed love of my life. Ladi and I didn’t attend the same university; but fate brought us together at a birthday party we both attended few years ago.
My love for Ladi knows no bound even though we both hailed from different societal backgrounds. What wouldn’t I do to make him happy? I dotted him with love and gifts, and provide virtually everything he needs even before he makes any request. If sex was food; Ladi always gets the best from me because I am also good at it.
My reason for putting this into writing is so you guys out there can tell me if I am losing my sanity. The problem I have with Ladi is the way he treats me. Ladi treats me like a lady who lacks class. He rarely reciprocates my love and kind gestures. He treats me as if my parents or someone forced me on him.
We have been dating for 4 years now, and I can’t remember the last time he sent me a surprise birthday present without my reminding him first. Yet he says he loves me; but the truth is I have been waiting for 4 years just for him to clear the doubts on my mind. He knows virtually every member of my family, while I hardly know any of his.
I started questioning my mental state when I got seriously beaten by Ladi during our last outing. It happened when he went through my bbm chat, and discovered that I was actually chatting with an old school mate of mine. He felt I have been cheating on him, and descended on me instead of giving me the benefit of the doubt. After putting me through so much shame and humiliation that evening; Ladi walked out on me and left me all alone in front of a very popular hotel along Ring Road Ibadan.
With tears rolling down my cheek, I managed to drive myself back home, and walked straight to my room; ignoring my parents who noticed my mood. My mum came into my room almost immediately, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk. Of course, she wanted to know if all was well; but how could I tell my mum that I got manhandled by the man they know I love so much.
It has been 3 months since that incident occurred between Ladi and I, and you won’t believe he has even gone ahead to humiliate me on 2 other occasions. I can’t even share this with my parents since it may have far-reaching consequences on the part of Ladi. My dad and mom had never for once raised their hands on me; at least not since I became matured to know my left from my right. Now the man I am madly in love with has done it not once not twice, but 3 times in 3 months; and yet the idea of calling it quit seems far from my thoughts.
This love is already costing me so much pain emotionally, financially, and physically; yet I can’t seem to imagine life without Ladi. Do I really love him? Please I need your advice because I seem to be losing my sanity.
Omotara, sorry for being so insensitive but I think YOU ARE PLAIN STUPID. This dude is just suffering from insecurity and he’s never going to change, he’s probably going to hit you with a hammer before you realise you need to walk…. You shouldn’t have ended up with him in the first instance, two different backgrounds rarely work. Be selfish and think about yourself and get out of that relationship, you are not in love, you are just dumb, get out NOW before you waste your life over a loser
Well said Debbie.But why are you of the opinion that two different backgrounds rarely work ?Well some people believe they will do everything possible to keep the relationship going at all cost even though they they know the right thing to do but dont have the much needed strenght to do so.
Deb, sincerely speaking, there’s nothing wrong in dating from different backgrounds. It’s understanding yourselves that matters most and above all patience.
As for Omotara, your in love with your senses, yea. But if u really love this guy, u’ll know that your parents have to be involved. He’s got to be dealt with to make him come back to his senses. Then u’ll know if he really loves u or not. After he’s been dealt with, u guys can now make ur decisions whether to continue with the relationship or not. Don’t loose ur life ‘cos of love, u’ll be a waste. I know of people who’ll love u better than he does.