I Lost Everything

I LOST EVERYTHING

Dear readers,

If I could reverse the hands of the clock, I would do things differently. If there were a second chance to life, I wouldn’t mind coming as a woman. For me, being a man is harder.

I’m a middle age man with no wife but a son. Counting back, my son should be about 15 years old there about. The last time I set my eyes on him, he was 3years old. He looked smart back then so I’m confident that he’ll do fine wherever he is around the world. I just pray he doesn’t end up like his irresponsible father.

When I was young, I always dreamt about being a medical student as most male children would dream of.  As I grew up, I ended up being a block- head. I knew the fault lies in my foundation but nevertheless, what will be will be.

I was dropped from medical school in my year one in the university. I decided to enrol into other science courses but, I failed their entry exams woefully. When I decided to switch to any Arts or social science course, I realized I could not do so due to my subject combination in my O’level. I was advised to sit for another O’level but, I refused. It took me years before I could make a complete five credits in science courses. I didn’t want to go through that pain again. I knew I was a dullard.

I began to roam about the city when I met a group of reckless guys who introduced me to thugery and pick pocketing. As I was also a nonentity and a dumb- ass, I easily mingled with them. We did a lot of things together that responsible and educated people should not do.

There was a girl who usually sells food to us at our joint. She was a pretty girl so every one of us wanted to have a taste of her. All of us in the group had made various advances to that girl but she didn’t give in to any of us. She was so decent.

One day, I sighted the girl on my way to the joint. I looked around and confirmed no one was nearby. I caught up with her and raped her. I met her as a virgin so I wickedly took it from her. I left her there alone and went away.

Two months after the incident, the girl came to find me on the street with her mother. She pointed me to her mother and she calmly came to me to seek for audience. I excused myself from my friends so the mother explained that my girlfriend was pregnant. That was when I knew that she didn’t disclose that I raped her. Her mother thought we were dating so it was easy for me to deny.

I totally denied her and said I’ve never seen her before. I wondered how a responsible mother could have followed her daughter to such shameful scene. By the time I started raising my voice at them and people were starting to gather, they left immediately.

My attitude was still nonchalant when she gave birth to my son and I watched him grow. He looked so much like me.  I never for once cared for him. He doesn’t even know what his father looks like. I don’t even know his name. I’m really a pitiful person.

Five years after the birth of my son, we were raiding a market nearby. It backfired on us and people started chasing us. One of our members got caught single handedly by a man and it led to a fight between them. He stabbed the man in the stomach in order to escape but, the man didn’t let go of him till people caught up with them. The man eventually died so the case became grave. We all were later caught and incarcerated.

I spent 15 good years in the prison with hard labour. During that period, I had thought about my life and wish to repent for good. I wished I could reverse the hands of the clock. I won’t mess with my life like this again.

I went back to the area to make enquiry about my son and his mother but they’ve relocated. I tried to find them by all means. But it was hard for me because I don’t know their names.

Dear ID readers, am lost and don’t even know where to start from again. What can I do?