You Died Once Tolu, But I Died A Thousand Times Since The Day You Left

Oh I could give anything to swap position with you Tolu. I wished you knew how much I would have loved to be the first to leave this cruel world before you, but life has a different plan for each of us.

Dear Iyanda, is it possible to continue paddling the canoe of life alone when all you have done all your life is paddle with a soul mate? Iyanda I only want to know if life is worth living after losing someone who said he would always be there for me.

The plug was pulled off its socket a few months ago when Tolu’s family gave the go ahead for his doctor to switch off the life support machine that has kept him alive for close to three months.

Tolu and I were enrolled same day in a local school in our neighborhood. We grew up together, attended the same college, and served in states that shared the same boundary.

He was diagnosed of cancer months before his death, even though I knew he was suffering, I never let it cross my mind that his death was inevitable. So when his family asked the doctor to switch off the life support machine the day he left this world, my own life stopped working.

I am writing this because the only image I see everywhere I go since Tolu’s death has been his alone. I can’t move on with the rest of my life as I see him in my dreams, in my heart, and before my eyes. Tolu has taken the better of me along with him to the world beyond. He is gone, but I wished it was me on the other end. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, and I virtually live a life of recluse because I am inconsolable.

Maybe spilling these pains out of my mouth and to the entire world will do me some good, and that is why you are reading this at the moment; please I truly need help before I do something stupid. My heart is so heavy and I feel I have no reason to live anymore. Help me before its too late