WHY DIDN’T I FORGIVE HIM?

Dear readers,

In this world, we have different people with their different ways of life. You basically find yourself having to live with people’s deficiencies. There are people who are good to you because they have a good heart. While there are some who are good to you because they want you to think that they have a good heart. In either case, you must cope well with them.

I didn’t realize this early in life and it has made me lose so many people. I had a friend back in school. We were so close and we were almost like brothers before I realized the kind of person he was. It made me run totally away from him and now I regret ever doing so.

Yinka used to be hard to deal with. Aside that, he’s jovial, nice, friendly and approachable. The major issue  he had,Is that you can’t do business with him without regretting it. Initially, our friendship went on smooth. Whenever we had troubles, we settle it with ease.

Not until one day that I gave him money to help me secure an accommodation because i wasn’t around.That was when  I realized the kind of dubious person he is. He actually got a place for me but I wasn’t contented with the condition of the apartment. The money I gave Yinka should have rented a better apartment and I insisted we collect the money back and get another one worthy of the money. My friend refused. He said there was no point in stressing ourselves. He insisted that we can never get a better place except I add money so I gave it up.

I lived in that house for about four months but, was still on a personal lookout for a better apartment. I soon got a neater and cheaper house. I requested for a transfer of ownership of the apartment and I got someone who was ready to rent my former apartment. I was supposed to be refunded with the sum of fifty thousand naira for the remaining eight months.

To my surprise, the landlord gave me twenty thousand naira. I explained that my money should be fifty and not twenty thousand so he brought out his copy of the payment receipt. I was shocked when I realized that the apartment my friend got for me was thirty thousand lower than the money I gave him.

I was furious and without thinking, I went to his house to harass him. I told him to refund my money and when he was adamant, I gave him the hardest blow ever on his mouth. When neighbours came to intervene, I left the scene angrily.

About a week later, Yinka came to meet me in class and apologised. He said he wasn’t thinking right when he did it to me. I didn’t want to hear him speak further so I walked out on him. I made sure everyone heard about it because I was really not happy with what he did.With that, Yinka gave up on reconciling with me and we graduated without saying a friendly word to each other.

Many years later I joined  facebook and got connected with most of my old friends but, I never for once searched for him. To me, he had done something that is unforgivable.

One day, I saw another friend of mine use Yinka’s photo as his profile picture. The next thing I saw on his post was “R.I.P Yinka”. I could not believe my eyes. I quickly called the guy to confirm what I saw. Yinka was dead for real. I couldn’t believe my ears either.

I felt so horrible. I saw myself as the worst being on earth. Yinka actually apologised to me but I refused to forgive him. How could I have been so cruel? He did something bad but everybody does bad things. If I knew he was going to die soon, I wouldn’t have been that wicked to him.

I want to forgive him now but, he’s not here. What am I supposed to do? Will I ever be chanced to forgive him to his face?

I wish he could just see my heart and understand how terrible I’m feeling right now.I am with a heavy heart .God help me.