I have said it on this blog on several occasions that abuse in marriage or relationship does not start and end only when a man raises his finger against you or on you. A man may not physically assault you, but could mentally and psychologically inflict damages on your person by the kind of words he uses on you. Elizabeth’s story is just one of several abuses that have nothing to do with raising a finger against a woman. Nonetheless, there is an established fact based on her story that she suffered untold abuse in marriage.
Please read and learn from this…
I grew up thinking it was okay for a man to beat a woman at least once in a while, especially when she misbehaves. This foolish thought or belief of mine made me fall for Henry’s trap. My thinking was that since he didn’t physically abuse me for four years, which represented the number of years we dated before we got married; then he was the best of the bests. However, I now have a better understanding that it would have been better to receive his beating than to be at the receiving end of his verbal abuses.
It didn’t matter the occasion or the personalities around us; Henry would call me all sorts of names for any mistake I made. Words from his mouth were as sharp if not sharper than a razor blade.
Henry respects my parents so much, but lacks an iota of respect for me as his wife. He never stops at nothing when it comes to reporting me to my parents, and even my colleagues at work. How can a man that calls himself my husband be calling me a cheat or a harlot in the presence of my boss? I can’t attend my friends’ social functions and I can’t even receive calls without being labelled a cheat—at least that’s what he thinks of me.
I decided to pack my things and leave his house despite repeated pleas from my parents after I overheard some of my neighbours calling me a cheating housewife. I won’t blame them because everyone who drops me off or any man I talk to has slept with me—at least that’s what my husband has made them to believe.
Matters went out of control last October when one of Henry’s best friends started making passes at me. He has been calling me and asking me out secretly for a while. I was shocked when my husband decided to defend his friend instead of confronting him about his behavior. When I told him about his friend’s secret advances towards me, my husband replied by saying “maybe he wants his own share of the national cake…” I mean that was the height of it, I couldn’t take it anymore. Is this how Henry has been dragging my name in the mud? What have I done wrong to deserve all these?
I have been trying to dig deep into possible reasons why Henry uses some derogatory words on me. For all I know, I haven’t done anything wrong to deserve all these.
Henry uses despicable words on me all the time. As a matter of fact, he still does, despite the fact that I no longer live in his house. He still calls me with different numbers to abuse me. He told my pastor and my parents that I moved out of the house so I could get the freedom to do whatever I want.
I am a very responsible lady and my parents trust me 100 percent. However, they are against my decision to move out of my husband’s house since it would give my husband the courage to say all kinds of things. At the moment I have been temporarily suspended from actively taking part in church activities until I reconcile with Henry.
To me, it’s good riddance to bad rubbish; but how do I clear my name? it’s so annoying when people see you as a woman of easy virtue because someone is bent on destroying your reputation.
I am definitely not going back to that marriage; although my parents are threatening fire and brimstone if I remain adamant.