Tick Says The Clock Bitch!

<em>3am, Tuesday morning.</em>

I woke up with a start!

I looked beside me, she was sleeping calmly…

I looked down at the space between us…

I groaned out loud…


<em>not again! Not again nah!!</em>

I felt her gently..using my left hand.., I patted her down…felt her stomach, her waist..den her buttocks…


Then I felt myself…same pattern.

Ofcourse I knew…I knew immediately I woke up, I knew even before I started feeling her…I knew…

I knew…!!!!

Was just hoping some for miracles, or dat for once I would be wrong..but nope! I wasn’t. ☹ ☹

I stood up, careful not to wake her, went to my wardrobe…picked a gown…very quietly I changed,..picked a wrapper…tiptoed back to my space, folded the wrapper into two, then laid it on my space…got in bed and settled back.

All these actions were expertly executed under 5mins.

And the Bitch still slept on!


7am, tuesday morning.


My dad screamed

<em>ghen ghen! This one he is calling my native Name, I’m in trouble!</em>

“Yes daddy”

I went into his room.

The bitch was standing beside him, she had a smug malicious smile on her face and in her hand was “the wrapper”

My knees went weak and almost buckled..

<em>”Bitch! I will get you for this”</em>

“Ifeoma! Are u cursed?”

<em>well, you shud be in a better position to answer that question na,…since you brought me into this world, so Dad..am I cursed?.</em>

I kept quiet…

“Is it not you I am asking a question!”

He roared at me..

“No sir!”

I replied hastily..shaken.

“you are not cursed…” He nodded to himself. “And how old are u?”

<em>please do and finish with your ranting and lemme go! “How old are u” indeed!</em>

“If I should repeat a question ehn..!”

He thundered at me…making me flinch involuntarily

“15yrs” I muttered

“I didn’t get that!”

“15yrs” I said clearly this time.

“you are 15yrs” he nodded to himself again..

<em>”Agama lizard!”</em>

“And how old is your sister?”

He asked…referring to the bitch standing beside him


“Good! Now what I want to understand is this…Ifeoma, please explain to me how a girl your age still wets the bed while your younger sister stopped when she was 5!”

<em>Wow…really? Yipee-yah-fucking–yay! ……She should have stopped when she was 3 nah…or wait! How about from the womb? Tcheew! Abegi jor”</em>

“Is it not you daddy is asking question!”

My sister chipped in

<em>Aswear! Nnenne u are soooooooooo dEAD!!! Jst pray I don’t get out of this alive!</em>

“Ifeoma what’s the meaning of this na? After all the long talk we had yesterday, after waking you up 3 times in the middle of the night to pee, you still bedwetted?

<em>Long talk my aSs! Why not reduce the amount of chores I do in this house…when you people have turned me into the Ekaette of the house nko, thanks to our foolish maid that ran away! Nnenne can’t sweep, can’t clean, can’t wash clothes, can’t even wash plates….because of her Asthma. Biko what’s the relationship between washing plate and Asthma biko kwanu? She sleeps at 8pm, I sleep at 11 or 12am and you are here asking me questions. Nobody should disturb me ooo!</em>

“What shoud I do with you?”


<em>♪ water and garri make eba on your wedding…or wait! You already married!!</em>

“Can’t you be like your sister?”

<em>sure…gimme Asthma anyday!</em>

At this point my mum walked in and joined in the tirade..when they were done screaming my head off…I was left alone!

I just couldn’t wait to get back at the bitch!

But seriously…I’ve gotta stop bedwetting…even if it means not drinking water again!

…….I’ve gotta stop bedwetting, even if it means not eating dinner!

……..Mhen this has gat to stop!



2:45 am, Wednesday morning.

I checked my phone time again…the bitch was still sleeping

<em>yeah…its time!</em>

I slowly and silently left the bed, made my way to the bathroom..fetched some water in a little bowl and den got back to the bed….

I hovered over her and made to pour the water….

<em>but wait first ooo, this goat is clever ooo…what if she decides to smell it, I won’t hear the end of it today!</em>


I made my way back to the bathroom…

….Raised my nightgown

……Pulled down my panties

……..Peed into the bowl…

……….Crept back to d bed

…………..Sprinkled it all over her lower parts

……………..Went back to the bathroom

………………..Washed the bowl

…………………..Crept back to the bed

…………………….Climbed and settled down

And yet……

The Bitch Slept Still!



7:45am Wednesday

I left the kitchen and went back to the room…and like predicted, she was still asleep.

Washed d plates, swept the whole house, and prepared breakfast! And yet the lazy ass sister of mine still slept.

….       I shook her awake

“Nnenne, wake up ooo, daddy is calling you”


She roused lazily from her slumber, yawned, stretched, yawned again and then scratched her eyes before replying….

“Ok, bye bye”

She made to settle down again…


“Bye bye kwa? Stand up jor! I said Daddy is calling you!”

I shook her roughly…enjoying every bit.

“Hmmm….okay” she rubs her eyes again….”I’m coming”

She swung her legs away from the bed to the loor…and then….


I started my countdown







She suddenly sat up straight….very alert this time, all traces of sleep long gone!


She felt herself…and as if she couldn’t believe it…felt herself again….


She looked up at me…askance…like I possessed all d answers to the universe’s unasked questions.

I watched her with a feigned concerned expression…almost mirroring her askance expression at the same time.


She smelled her gown…and then it finally dawned on her as her jaw dropped in surprise



“Ohmygod! I weeweed on the bed!”

She exclaimed at me


My eyes dramatically widened in surprise…

“Ohmygod! You weeweed on the bed!”

I echoed back


“I don’t understand…I don’t know what happened”

“Wow….you weeweed!”

I repeated again…this time allowing my voice ride up.

“Shush na…please don’t shout na….mum and dad might hear u now….what do I do now?…”

<em>What do you do now? So I’m now the commissioner of bedwetting consultant okwia?</em>


<b>”D A D D Y, M U M M Y!!!!!!”</b>

I screamed at the top of my lungs…

“Nnenne weeweed on the bed ooo”


My parent rushed into the room

Mummy: “what happened?”

Daddy: “Nnenna did what?

Me: “she weeweed oo, she bedwetted!”

I clarified! Don’t want no mistakes here.

Daddy: “you did what Nnenne…? Nnenne!!!”

My dad thundered at her….

“are you okay? Is something wrong with you?” Nnenna refused to say a word..she was staring at me in shock, feeling betrayed!

<em>”got a load of your own medicine bitch!”</em>

Daddy: (to my mum) “can you …can you imagine! These kids are possessed ooo! (To Nnenne) …….so now you want to join your sister’s club? okwia? Your are now as foolish as your sister abi?”

<em>*whistling* ♪ ur words can bring me down ♪  (˘̯˘ ) ” </em>


And they both launched into another tirade but this time…it had nothing to do with me!

I was soo happy!

I stood behind my parents and stared at my sister…I stared and stared, just willing she would look at me…

She finally raised her head that had been hung in shame and looked at me….

And then…..

I smiled….


……The same smug smile she had given me yesterday. I smiled at her making sure she got the full message of my smile…..

And in that moment….

She Knew!!


The End!!