Wow,with a heavy heart, I’m back on my computer. Typing and trying to wrap my head around how I actually burst such a move.
Why I would hurt someone I love so much? I was madly in love with Joy; gosh I truly loved everything about her. She was indeed my little angel. I always had the impression I was taking care of her but to be honest she was my soul. She was there for me when I needed her and was even there when I didn’t need her. She was all I ever wanted in a girl and she was no ordinary girl. She was full of life; she had a very good heart and just lovely to be with.
Enough of how I felt about Joy. Our relationship was just how I wanted it. We were not just like friends but complete lovers and I had met all her siblings, she had met mine too and they loved everything about her as well. Even Voltron, her dad was now close to me, we chatted up most times and it was just nice knowing her wonderful family as well. While it all looked perfect, I was dying inside.
My head was filled with all sorts of questions. Wondering and asking myself why I was getting too serious with Joy. The more I tried to stop loving her, the more I grew closer and fell deeper in love. It kept going on for a while and I just felt I was capable of taking care of it. But my precious Joy, would look at me at times and just tell me to pray and talk to God. Tell him my heart desires and just trust in him. Gosh I just felt I was losing it.
I was used to being on the fast lane, partying, drinking, clubbing, but here I was trying so hard to listen and try to do the right things. Why is it so hard to do the right things and the bad ones so easy…?
One thing I loved about Joy was that she was a Good Christian and I admired her for that. She gave me a Bible one time as a gift. Silly me, was expecting a bottle of perfume or a shirt or something nice. If I had known o, maybe I should have appreciated my Bible more than I did. LOL. She was quite close to her creator and we did go to church together, but it was always my baby asking us to go, taking charge and wanting the very best for her man.
She was perfect, too perfect, but most times I will come up with silly reasons just to pick arguments with her about the way she pointed out and told me my mistakes. She was my Love teacher o. He he he.
Life went on as usual and we talked about moving forward and doing away with some of my naughty ways. Gosh I was naughty; I just felt invincible and thought she wouldn’t hear of my escapades. I started slowing down, but you know a leopard never changes his skin. But this leopard was so determined to change for the one he loved.
I did, Oh yes, I did change, stayed away from the babes totally! Well, maybe for about a month or two. It was just me and my baby, and it was kind of the best time of my life. It was peaceful, not running from one hostel to the other or trying to satisfy every girl I came in contact with .Lol. We were inseparable, always together, things got better, and she was just so much into her God and her man. Her health was getting better by the day and she kept radiating more and more.
She really tried so hard to carry me along with her to be more faithful , religious and live according to our Christian morals but I struggled, I fought, I tried my best but the more I tried , the more I slipped .
My thought kept flooding back, asking questions again, why I would be blessed with such a beautiful girl who loved me so much and wanted the best for me. But in the process of her pulling me up, I was pulling her down and it was killing me and was eating me up so bad. At times I just tried to avoid been alone with her. Though she was such a strong person, I could feel her let her guard down at times just because of love, she would see me do silly things and after scolding me she will still accept me back. I was totally confused, God what should I do?
I kept talking and it was so difficult for me to share with friends because they wouldn’t understand. I called her and mentioned it that I was feeling bad because I always felt I was the one pulling her down but she just waived it off and told me not to be silly. It went on and on, I did everything to change, I did try my possible best, but guess it wasn’t good enough.
Well, after so much thinking and praying, I knew I needed a miracle to get me out of this situation, because I just wanted the will power to be there for her all the time, but it wouldn’t turn out that way.
I called my Joy one evening and we took a walk around the lecture room where we finally found a dark corner. We talked and I told her I was madly in love with her and she will always have a special place in my heart, but I felt I was really dragging her down, and told her she deserved someone better, (all this while I was crying, sobbing like a baby). She just didn’t want to believe what I was telling her .
The more I told her how and what had been on my mind, the more I cried because I didn’t want to let her go but I knew I had to, I had no choice so I thought. We both just cried, held each other so close and it was so difficult saying goodbye to someone you know was a soul mate .Kolawole mi , Kolawole mi, Kolawole mi, why? Why? Why? Was all I heard her say. I tried so hard to make her understand but guess I didn’t understand it myself. It was one of the most horrible nights I have ever witnessed in my life.
I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest, but deep down in me I just had to. I took her back to her hostel we hugged and wouldn’t let each other go, we shed more tears. Yes, yes I cried again o. Well, I guess I am a die-hard romantic guy. Guess that’s what the girls I dated said o. ha ha ha.
Wow, I don’t believe ,I am writing all this stuff, it should be about 20yrs ago but the memories are fresh, maybe this will bring a closure to my endless journey of what it means to lose a true love.
Well, finally managed to pull away from each other and as I drove away I could see her walk into her hostel. I felt like running back just to tell her April fool or something but I had to control myself. I drove slowly back to my room, filled with a heavy heart, guilt and sure I made the right decision.
Feeling lifeless, I just couldn’t wait for the next day to come. I had lectures but couldn’t be bothered. I saw a friend of hers and asked if she was fine because I was so worried and all she said was what do u expect. Gosh! I felt my heart racing again, I controlled myself but had to make sure she was fine.
I tried to socialize, talking to friends but kept checking the windshield of my car for notes, but never got one. I finally rushed to her room later in the day and was told she had gone home to be with her family. I didn’t know what else to do then, wait? Pray? silly! I now remembered how to pray.
Well, hours, turned into a day and the second day she came to check on me. We just hugged and tried to be so normal but we could barely look into each other’s eyes unlike before. Exchanged pleasantries, asked if she was okay and bullied that I had to go for a lecture just to get away from that situation because I had started thinking about reversing my previous decision . It was one of the most painful decisions I have ever made.
My family members couldn’t and didn’t understand why I would let my gem go but it was between me and My God. I begged God to grant her long live, even if I had to walk away or risk losing my only true love. Gosh! slowly I became a shadow of myself but I guess I still nursed the fact that we will soon come back together because I started praying and working on myself but with time I knew my soul mate, who was my angel wasn’t around me.
Before long I was trying desperately to hold on but I was back to my old ways, partying and sleeping with anything in skirt. We kept running into one another and we just tried to be cordial but for me, deep down I felt I would surely see her and be with her again. Hmmmm I even entered into a relationship shortly afterwards and she felt I must have broken up with her just to be with this new jambite, (that was what we called freshers back then in school).
It was more hurting for me, knowing she thought I did that to get at her. But God sees my heart, that I broke up just because of how much I truly loved her and it might not have been the right decision but it was done with a good heart. We remained so close that even the person I was seeing was kind of jealous of the friendship, but she had no choice than to accept the fact that it was something I had control over. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, I still saw the yellow posts and sticker notes on my car but they reduced gradually. Anytime we came across each other, it brought smiles and laughter into my life for which I will be forever grateful. I was still close to her family members and we exchanged pleasantries once in a while whenever we saw.
I don’t know whether she ever felt so strongly or loved me as much as I did love her but I just felt it was right. Well some people might say it was just school love, some others might agree and say she was a soul mate but I know she was really a gem and a treasure.
One of the most memorable events that occurred after we broke up, which was on my birthday was a day I would and can never forget for the rest of my life. I woke up happy, a year older and wiser so they say and things were getting better and falling into shape, had a beautiful girl who was now my girlfriend.
The day was going fine and my girl friend said I should drop her off at the hostel which was where my Joy stayed as well. As I drove into the car park, I saw Joy’s car pulling out of the parking lot but turned around and hurriedly got out of the car. I saw joy running towards me, she had this look and I just thought she wanted to come wish me a happy birthday.
She eased into my out stretched out arms and gave me a hug, wow. In front of the hostel, and she just wouldn’t let go, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. She still wrapped her arms around me and I glanced in the direction of my girl friend who just stared at us. Joy finally spoke and I felt the tears rolling down her eyes. Kolawole mi, happy birthday, she wished me well and she said, she could never forget me, and I will always be part of her life.
Still dazed and wondering what and where all that came from, I said thank you and she looked into my eyes and said kolawole mi, my dad passed away this morning. I almost collapsed. She gave me a warm kiss and I could see people stare at us and she just told me to take care and that even though she would want to forget me, but how on earth could she, now, seeing that she lost her dad on my birthday.
Wow, even as I write this concluding part of this story, my eyes are laced with tears. Don’t worry, I’m not crying o, but just that the thoughts and emotions came rushing back. I live with the memories of having known what love is all about and what it meant to be truly loved.
I travelled shortly after we broke up and must have spoken to her about on very few occasions and we never met but everyone who ever came in touch with me knew this wonderful person. I heard her voice again after so many years and even just me saying hello, she goes kolawole, how are you doing. LOL, what happened to kolawole mi. I’m joking o, I was so happy to hear she was doing very well and happily married with 2 lovely kids.
Please I do hope she doesn’t come across this, but if she does, it wasn’t for any bad intentions, I just had to share it with the world to show that true love does exist out there and I wouldn’t have asked to have been in love with no one other than you, Joy .You were a rare gem and I’m sure your man must be lucky to have you in his life.
As I begin to round off, I’ll say, don’t ever forget to tell your loved ones all the time, how much you truly love them . Make it a habit, life is short and I do hope we will find our heart desires.
Well, as for me I will still keep going to churches, going on badoo, gosh I almost left out weddings .LOL, and all the right places until I meet that someone special who I will call my other half.
Please single ladies send in your application o. he he he. Well, sometimes, all good things must come to an end for the start of something wonderful.
Thanks for enduring and enjoying this three part series of “My one true love”. Cheers.