I got back from work just a couple of days back to find my mother in-law and one of Belema’s uncles already in the sitting room. Of course, I was shocked to find them at home because no one ever told me they were coming to Lagos let alone to our place. I greeted them without hiding the fact that I was shocked and perhaps, not so pleased to have them around. Things between us have not really been that rosy since the hell of a time they gave my family and I on the day of our traditional marriage.
I went straight into the room after exchanging “pleasantries” with them, greeted my wife as usual, but as usual no answer. I asked her if she was the one who invited her mother to come or she just came on her own. She kept quiet for a couple of minutes, and then asked me if her people no longer have the right to visit us. I told her that wasn’t the case but she wouldn’t listen and became too defensive for my liking, which encouraged me to walk out because I wasn’t prepared for any argument that evening. My day at work was tough and my evening is about to get unpleasant with two visitors from the village here to see me.
As usual I didn’t eat at home that evening because my wife still didn’t cook for me; but of course she was able to prepare dinner for her people. At least that provoked a response from her uncle who was shocked to see that no food was placed on the table for me just like my wife did for the rest of them. He called the attention of my wife to what he just saw and she defended herself by saying I have been wasting her foods all these while and that was why she made up her mind not to cook for me any longer. That marked the beginning of a long-drawn “peace” meeting that involved all four of us.
Faults flew from one end to the other, and the arguments continued late into the nights because Belema and I held on to our views. She insisted I wasn’t showing enough care and attention, which a responsible man should show towards his wife. She accused me of all sorts of things, including calling her people names because they were harsh on me the day I came to pay her bride price—it was a hell of an argument.
They begged, apportioned blame where necessary, and admonished us to bury our differences and save our marriage. They said it is normal for young and inexperienced couples to have issues because they are still trying to get to know each other; but I think this is one issue that has gone too far…
They left us after successfully extracting some promises of good behaviour from us. Belema and I got talking after a few days; but those wounds are still there deep in my heart. I mean my wife still wants to keep to those habits; and I am sure that can’t take place in my house.
I don’t know if the togetherness we both share is as a result of my baby in her womb since babies have a way of keeping couples together. I might not be able to take a definite decision now until she puts to birth; but deep inside of me I think I still love Belema if only she could just put away some of these feminist attitudes of hers that want to destroy our marriage.