I can tell you one thing for certain : in life, timing is everything. Just like everything else, sexual activity is as much about when you do it is as it is how you do it. So, with this in mind, I’ve written up this short checklist as a reminder of some of the reasons why you should hold off on sex for at least the short-term. When you’re in the moment with your partner, there are probably emotions and hormones firing at full cylinder, but if you keep these things in mind I assure you that you will be guaranteeing yourself a better sexual relationship.
1. The most obvious reason is probably the most overlooked : make sure that you want to have sex and that you’re mentally prepared for a sexual relationship with this person. During foreplay with someone new, your hormones and emotions will be riding an awesome roller coaster. It’s something new and exciting and you’re eager to explore a relationship with this person. But make sure you are emotionally and sexually ready before you dive in to the relationship. There’s nothing wrong with holding off on sex for a while until you’re completely sure that you’re ready. Your partner won’t mind, and in the long run, you’ll both be better off for it because the sex will be that much better. You’ll be confident and in control, and having these things makes for a much more fun sexual experience.
2. Your partner is giving you the impression that they’re not ready yet. Communication is probably the most important thing for a couple to perfect. As a relationship develops, you will be much better off if you learn early on how to communicate with your partner and sense their desires and needs. So while your partner may not say something outright, you should be very aware of their body language and actions during foreplay to make sure that they’re ready for intercourse. There’s nothing wrong with talking during foreplay, either. Communication is sexy and can be a great way for you two to bond while you’re learning more about each other. If you get the sense that your partner is tensing up or overly nervous, take the time to make sure the moment is right for both of you, and you’re sure to have a better experience.
3. You haven’t discussed safe sex yet with your partner. This is essential and can often be overlooked, leading to big time regrets later. If you don’t know the person that well or if you’re just getting to know them, you need to know something about their sexual history before you proceed with any sort of sexual activity. Has the person had unprotected sex in the past? How many partners have they had recently? Have they been checked for STI’s and HIV? Undoubtedly it takes some thought to ask these questions just the right way without killing the mood, but I assure you it’s possible and when done right, makes you look smart and responsible, things that your partner should be excited about. Also, discuss what safe sex options are on the table for you two. Don’t assume someone has the birth control taken care of without asking first.
4. Neither of you have a condom. You probably should have seen this one coming. While the need for safe sex should always be in the back of your mind, it’s very easy to throw that thought out the window in the heat of the moment. But at those times it is more essential than ever to make sure that you engage in protected and safe sex. While it may be very hard to put off having sex until one of you goes to buy protection, in the long run it is worth your while to make sure that your relationship is based on the idea of mutual respect and trust. Mutual respect and trust is best developed when both partners take care to protect each other from STI’s, HIV and unwanted pregnancy. So step back for a minute from the situation, remember what’s most important and make sure to wait until you can practice safe sex.