I Ended Up Marrying A Yoruba Man After Swearing Never To Even Date One
Dear readers, we all dreamt and desired one thing or the other while growing up as kids. Even while in school, a lot of us wished or desired for one thing or the other. We desired the type of partners and families that suit our dreams, and the thing is not everyone meets that dream. I am a prime example of someone who won’t be realising her dream; at least not the way I desired it.
As a child, my greatest desire was to have no relationship with any Yoruba man let alone marrying one. Even though I grew up with a lot of them as friends, I never was convinced of the need to settle down with them. The truth about life is that we are all shaped and led by fate. Fate has now led me to the alter with one of the most attractive, most caring, and most loving man I have ever met in my life; and that man is a Yoruba man.
I met Dayo while attending a course organized by an insurance firm at Akure. I was represented my company who had sent me there to attend the course that was to last for two weeks. The hotel room where I spent the entire two weeks was just next to Dayo’s, and the only thing we had in common was the course we attended, and the fact that we boarded the same bus to and from the venue everyday.
I never went out of my room except on a few occasions since I could never imagine myself mixing with anyone including ladies. Call it pride or whatever; the truth is I just wanted to avoid having to listen to any man try to woo me since I was already neck deep in a relationship with a guy from my state. To be fair to other participant, everyone went about the course not minding what others were doing; so it wasn’t as if people were becoming nosey.
Few days to the end of the course, the organizers informed us that we would be embarking on a short trip to the Idanre hills just to lighten us a little bit. So they encouraged us to savour the moments so we could leave Ondo state with fond memories. I didn’t see anything wrong with this since I always wanted to see how the Idanre hills looked like.
We were paired as we made the journey to Idanre; and I wasn’t surprised that Dayo and I were joined together since our registration numbers followed the other. I was determined to be as formal as I could possibly be, and the same went for Dayo. I wasn’t interested in making friends, and he too didn’t give a damn whether I wanted to be friend with him or not; and this got me angry.
I was struggling to endure his presence, and he didn’t even care; all he wanted to do was enjoy the beauty of the hills. After the tour, we all went back, and by the time we were preparing to head back to our various locations; Dayo asked me to give him a few minutes of my time; and I reluctantly obliged him.
Without mincing words, he apologised for being too stiff all through the duration of the course; as if I cared. He asked for my phone number, but I refused to give him. However, he dropped his card and asked me to feel free to call him anytime. He them left me with some words that made me cry deeply inside of me. He said he didn’t know if he or someone had hurt me in the past that made so bitter; but all he knew was that God does not cast anyone away no matter the tribe or race or sin committed.
The moment he mentioned tribe, something within me softened. I became so guilty, that I started questioning myself on why I hated the Yorubas so much. The truth is that they have not done anything wrong; it’s just that I regard them as inferior to my race. To be honest, that was how we were raised; we were raised not to see anything good in them.
All through my journey back to my destination, I was cold, and refused to pick any call. I pondered over what he told me, and also questioned the right I had to call another race inferior. I asked the Lord to forgive me, and to give me the grace to love everyone without discrimination.
As soon as I got back home, I picked up my phone and sent a thank you sms to him; but he didn’t reply me. As the days went bye, the thoughts of Dayo kept running through my mind. I didn’t try to brush it aside because it brought me so much joy even though I was sad because he failed to reply my sms.
About a month later, Dayo called me and apologised for not replying my text. He didn’t tell me the reasons, but at least he called. He invited me to the church where he worshipped a couple of times, and I also did the same thing. We became very good friends; but my boyfriend wasn’t comfortable with the idea. Dayo and I were quite clear that nothing was going to come out of our friendship; but fate changed all that.
The more Gozie (my boyfriend) complained and cast aspersion on Dayo because of his tribe, the more I developed this inner feeling and emotional attraction towards him (Dayo). I didn’t know how Gozie got his number; but thank God he did because the sms he sent to Dayo was the final straw that destroyed the camel’s back. Gozie sent Dayo a text calling him all kinds of names. Some of the words he used include; ofe manu (soup cooked with palm oil), ngbati ngbati (word used in describing the Yorubas), etc. Dayo showed me the sms, and I apologised to him. I pleaded with Dayo to ignore him because as far as we were concerned, nothing serious was happening between the two of us; but I was wrong.
I called Gozie after I left Dayo’s place that evening. I complained to him bitterly and asked him to watch the way he talks to my friend. I even said the same thing Dayo said to me that changed my life; I pleaded with him to stop discriminating against non-Igbos. His reaction surprised me because he asked me to choose between him and Dayo. I was shocked because I wasn’t expecting the man I wanted to settle down with to say things like that. I dropped the call without giving him an answer. I instead went to his house, and told him to his face that he was wrong to speak to me the he way he did on the phone. Then he repeated the same question, and this time around I answered him. I told him there was no way I was going to leave my friend because of him; and that was the last I saw of Gozie for a very long time.
Since I was no longer attached to Gozie, I became very free with Dayo, and things developed soon afterwards. Though, my parents were not happy with the fact that I was started dating Dayo; we got married more than one year after Gozie and I broke up.
It’s been eight years since we got married, and everyday is just like a honeymoon for both of us. What more could I ask for, he loves me, his family loves me, and God loves us so much because He has blessed our union with two lovely kids.
I want to use this opportunity to apologise to every Yoruba man I had wronged in the past. Whatever I did, I did out of ignorance.