It doesn’t matter how beautifully crafted or designed a house is, if it doesn’t make me feel comfortable; then it’s not a home. A home is where you want to go back to after a hard day’s work; it is a place where your kids and husband gather around you on a dining set. However, if the place you live and call a home doesn’t appeal to you anymore, then you want to go mad. You want to go gaga when the man that proposed to you when you had the opportunity to marry someone else becomes a stranger; when he no longer shares your dream.
Dear readers, when I first met Jide at the NYSC orientation camp, he was the man any woman would want to build a family around. So cute, so attractive, so charming, so caring, and so humble; those were words that best described Jide then, the love of my life. Things have since changed since we settled down. He no longer sees me as the same woman he fell in love with during our NYSC days. He no longer dots me with the same love and passion he once was used to; he has changed.
Before you jump into conclusion and start drawing up lists of how and what may have gone wrong on my own end; I want you to know that I still have my bed chamber mojo, and I don’t move about the apartment in ‘ol skool’ wrapper tied around my waist. The fire is still there, and it’s not like I no longer know how to cook and do those things that endeared me to Jide the first time. I am convinced Jide is not cheating on me too because I know. I know because he comes home early, he doesn’t eat outside, and he doesn’t take secret calls; but the problem is that we have lost the magic we used to have around the house.
Jide comes home early enough, but all he does is eat, watch CNN or BBC on cable and says goodnight. He doesn’t even check the kid’s homework like he used to do, and he is not as eager as he was during the early days of our marriage when it comes to playing with the kids. Back in the days when we just got married, my husband and I used to go out on weekends, and do a lot of things. We took our kids out to eateries, and everyone always looked forward to when Jide would return from work so he could play with everyone.
Now Jide yells at the kids when they come to him with their homework. He doesn’t let them hang around him even on weekends. No cartoon for the kids whenever he is at home. His attitude does not only affect the kids alone because Jide is so obsessed with football matches on weekends that you dare not change the channel when any of his favourite teams is playing.
His new attitude has changed the whole atmosphere around the house, and you feel like you could run away with the kids. The only time of the day when we ever get to smile or be happy around the house is when Jide is at work; and things soon change once he gets back from work. The kids know just how their father’s car horn sounds when it starts hooting; and in those days they would rush straight to the garage to give him a hug. However, this is no longer the case because they no longer respond to it anymore; and it makes me sad.
I need help because I am at sea; I don’t know how to make my house my home anymore.